On the Road of Life, I Keep Hitting Potholes
by SnarkyTheClown
Summary: It's a prequel to 'If Life Were Normal, What Would We Do for Fun' It can stand alone, but reading Saved the World and Normal after makes it more fun.
1. Prologue

A/N:  Hi everyone!  So this is the prequel to 'If Life Was Normal, What Would We Do For Fun?'.  It's a bit more serious and intense than my other fic, and sets up the background for the Remus/Hermione relationship, as well as explains a bit about Hermione's history with Snape.  I hope everyone enjoys it, I'd love feedback, and I'll tell you right now, that this wasn't intended to be a literary masterpiece, so don't expect it to be!

--Aimes

Hermione Jane Granger awoke with a start.  She lay in her bed for a moment, waiting for the feeling of unease to pass when she heard voices.  _Voices?__  Lots of voices.  And they're not mum and daddy._  Hermione rose quietly from her bed and tried to think about where her wand was.  _In the closet locked in my trunk at the back.  Brilliant.  _She edged toward her desk.  _Switchblade in the top drawer, courtesy of dad, better than nothing I suppose.  _She opened the drawer silently and picked up the knife, clipping it onto the waistband of her pajamas.  She straightened and froze.

From downstairs there was a feminine scream.  "HERMIONE!  RUN!"  And then a bloodcurdling shriek of pain and suffering.  Footsteps pounded up the stairs and Hermione snapped into action, fumbling for a remote control and clicking several buttons.  Her radio switched on, blaring at top volume, and Hermione struggled with the latch on her window.  _Really should've oiled this bugger._  She got it open as three individuals forced open her bedroom door.  Without waiting to see who it was, Hermione jumped.

**"You come on like a drug, I just can't get enough, I'm like an addict coming at you for a little more.  And there's so much at stake, I can't afford to wait, I never needed anybody like this before…"**

And caught the branch of the oak tree outside her window.  She swung a few times, tearing into her palms with the tree bark, then dropped to the ground and took off, hearing the strains of Garbage blasting through her window.  _Come on Hermione, think.  Dad's motorcycle, on the curb, keys in the secret compartment near the fuselage.  Go._  Lights in other houses were beginning to turn on as Hermione hopped the motorcycle and took off.  She swerved instinctively as she heard the hex fired off behind her.  _Bloody hell there's no gas.  Thanks dad. I've just got to make it to the park, though.  That's all I need.   _She'd made it the three blocks to the park when the motorcycle stalled.  Hermione let it coast, then ditched it and ran into the dense copse of trees.  She could hear them behind her and she put on more speed.  Her legs were hurting from the drop from the tree and her hands were bleeding freely.  _Must've hit my head on the window sill a bit harder than I thought.__  Gods my head hurts._

She skidded to a stop at the edge of the small canyon in the park.  _Not too far to jump, I can make it._ 

"You could probably make it, but do you want to risk it?"  Hermione spun and faced the Deatheater before her.  He was tall and imposing, his wand out and aimed at her.

"Don't you people give up?"  _Knife might hit him if I aim well enough…I'm buggered._

"Funny, I was wondering the same of you.  Your head must be pounding.  You slammed it on the window hard enough to get at least a moderate concussion, I should think.  Yet you managed to start and drive the motorcycle and run at least two miles into this forest.  Impressive."

"How'd you follow?"

"Tracking spell."

"Damn.  Unfair advantage."

"Deatheater, my dear.  If we played by the rules we'd hardly inspire fear."

"Fair enough.  So we're at an impasse.  I'm pretty sure I could dodge whatever spell you're thinking of firing, and you could probably tackle me or peg me before I made it across the gap."

"All things considered, I think I have the advantage.  Surrender, now."  His voice lowered to barely audible tones.  "I'm here to help you, Hermione.  Trust me."

"Yes, and my parents are alive and having tea with your colleagues.  I hit my head but I'm not an idiot."

The Deatheater sighed.

"Is the Mudblood Princess giving you trouble?  I would be more than happy to help."

Hermione was distracted by the new voice, and the Deatheater facing her fired off a binding spell.  She hit the ground, unable to do anything but look around.  _Ah hell, you're screwed, Mya.  Good one.  Fell for the oldest trick in the book: distract and disable.  Pathetic._

The Deatheater strode forward and lifted her as though she were weightless.

"I have it under control.  You know the Dark Lord's orders for her."

"Yes, yes, release her to her friends when you've finished your fun with her, she'll be more useful later.  Pity, though."  _Fun with me?__  Oh that's not good._

"Indeed."  The Deatheater holding her disapparated.

And apparated in a small glen near…_The headquarters of the Order?  Snape?_  He released the binding spell but did not put her down.  "You are actually quite badly injured, Miss Granger.  I shall carry you the rest of the way."

He carried her into the headquarters and set her down on the couch.  Remus Lupin entered and sat next to her.

"You can't go to sleep Hermione."

"I know, concussion."

"Severus is making a potion that will deal with that.  Hermione…"

"Yes, I know.  They're dead.  I'm shocked Snape was able to save _me_."

He hugged her tightly and stroked her hair as she began to tremble.  "You have made it this far, Miss Granger.  Do not turn into a blubbering mass now."  Snape's tone was sharp.

"Too late, Professor.  I promise not to cry on your robes, take what you can get."

He handed her a potion.  "Drink this, Miss Granger.  It will heal your concussion and make you sleep.  Lupin and I will carry you to your bedroom.  We shall deal with everything else in the morning."

"Best idea I've heard from you tonight."  She drank it quickly and settled back against the couch cushions, letting the potion wash over her and ease her into a gentle, dreamless sleep.

A/N: The song is Temptation Waits by Garbage from the Version 2.0 album.


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: Brownie points to whoever knows where the Salahuddin reference comes from. 

Several Months Later:

Hermione Granger strolled up to her Head Girl's rooms, murmured "Salahuddin" at the door and entered her private suite.  She quickly unclasped her robes, peeled off her uniform, and pulled on her pajamas.  She picked up the photo on her nightstand, gazed at it for a moment, smiled, and gave both her parents a kiss.  After a moment of stretching, Hermione picked up the note on her bed and scanned it quickly.  _Miss Granger…hydrogen peroxide…laptop computer…miracle grow…other stuff…gummy bears.  That must have been Dumbledore's personal request.  Typical list of stuff to get from __London__.__  I'll do it in the morning._

For the past few months, since her parents had died over the summer, Hermione had been stocking up on supplies from muggle London for faculty and members of the Order while living at her uncle's home.  She had gone to live with him after the funerals of her parents, despite the fact that their house was now hers.  While living with her uncle, she had picked up a few items for Professor Snape and it had become a custom now amongst the faculty and the Order.  It was always items unavailable in the magical world or suspicious to acquire.  Tensions were mounting, and very soon the war would break out in force.

Hermione sighed tiredly when she heard the knock at the door.  "Enter!" she called out as she climbed into bed.

"'Mione.  Goodnight, my dear, but I have a favor to ask you."  Draco Malfoy struck a pose in the doorway.  "Would you be a love and get me the new GQ magazine?"

"Draco, we're in the middle of a war and you're reading GQ?"

He smiled.  "Well, to be accurate darling, I'm playing my 'straight-as-an-arrow-Death-Eater-to-be' role quite well.  Not a soul save you really suspects any differently."

Hermione grinned.  "I'll get you the new GQ.  Besides, Johnny Depp's on the cover.  I was going to pick it up for myself in any case."  Draco laughed and turned to leave.

"Goodnight, Bushy."

"Goodnight, my fairy godfather."  _He's not at all bad once you get to know him.  And to think, Ron and Harry don't even realize.  Then again, he does play his role well.  Wouldn't even suspect he was gay if I hadn't caught him plucking his eyebrows one day and we'd had that confrontation.  I'm glad he has someone to confide in now._

With that thought, she drifted into sleep.

Morning came, and with it the first day of winter holiday.  Ron and Harry had left for the headquarters of the Order, while Hermione had chosen to stay in Hogwarts to work with some of the professors.  Lupin had also left for the vacation, as had Snape, Trelawney, and Sinistra.  McGonagall, Flitwick, Hagrid, Sprout, and Hooch remained, and Hermione was working with all of them on various aspects of magical theory, hoping to develop defense spells, tracking spells, healing plants, and a variety of other items.  _This project with Hagrid's going to kill me though.  Working on strategic uses for thestrals was maybe not one of my better ideas.  Well, not when it involves Hagrid, bless his heart._

Hermione showered, pulled her hair into a tight braid, and walked to the closet.  _Jeans…boots made for walking…ooh that one was way cheesy, Mya.  You really need to work on your jokes.  Black shirt, leather jacket, and belt.  And switchblade clipped on to belt.  Lovely.  I look like…a big bad biker chick.  Oh well, better than looking like a go-go girl I suppose._ Hermione grabbed a black satchel bag and slung it over her shoulder as she left her rooms.  _Fairy's still asleep, lazy-ass._ 

Hermione smiled and nodded at the few students she passed as she strode to the edge of the grounds.  She stepped off the grounds, paused, and apparated.  Hermione appeared in an alley.  She exited the alley and began to walk towards a computer store on the corner.  Three hours later, Hermione walked back towards her apparition point with several bags.  _Something's…odd.  Very odd.  I should turn around and walk away right now._  She froze and turned to walk away from the alley.  Hermione Granger knew as well as anyone never to ignore instinct.  She turned and registered the movement behind her.  Suddenly she was yanked into the alleyway.  Hermione stumbled backwards and hit the ground hard, skidding into the wall.  _Fight back, Mya!_ She pulled out her wand and fired curses at random.  There were a few grunts as several hit their marks and Hermione began to struggle to her feet but before she'd really gotten her bearings a stunning curse threw her into the wall.  _Oh, ow.  That's going to leave a mark.  _The world went black around her.

"She's fiery," a smooth voice murmured.  The owner of said voice approached the limp body of Hermione Granger and lifted it gently.  "I'll enjoy her."

"Remember what our lord said: she will not respond to Veritaserum.  You will have to use more…traditional methods if legilimency does not work," Bellatrix Lestrange noted.

"I sincerely hope it does not," replied her nephew Dayrin Lestrange.  And he smiled.


	3. Chapter 2

Draco "Fairy" Malfoy was in a panic.  He'd been with his father and overheard that the "Mudblood Princess" (Lucius' fond pet name for Hermione) had been "subdued."  Draco wasn't quite sure what that meant, but he knew it didn't bode well for Hermione.  He sprinted up the stairs, but slowed his pace as he walked into the Great Hall and went straight to the Head Table.

"Headmaster, we need to speak," he said in an angry, supercilious tone.  McGonagall glared at him.

"Mister Malfoy!  Do not take that tone with the Headmaster!  Fifty points from Slytherin."  Draco leveled his iciest glare at her. 

"Come along, Mister Malfoy.  We shall speak in my office," Dumbledore twinkled.

He rose (agonizingly slowly, from Draco's point of view) and gestured towards the exit.  Draco leveled his patented icy look at the entire room and stormed out.  McGonagall pursed her lips and followed the pair.  The rest of the room released a collective sigh of relief.

Inside Dumbledore's office, Draco turned to face Professor McGonagall.  "Fifty points, professor?  Was that _really_ necessary?"

"We must be realistic, Mister Malfoy," she replied with a smirk.  He rolled his eyes heavenward briefly and turned to Dumbledore.

"She's in a lot of trouble."

"Who, praytell, Mister Malfoy?" he replied calmly.

"Hermione.  I heard her name and Lestrange in the same sentence.  It's a bad sign, I guarantee you.  I think they have her."

Dumbledore looked grave.

"Thank you Mister Malfoy.  We shall do what we can."

"Likewise, I assure you.  I truly believe that between myself and Severus we can get her out alive, but it will be immensely difficult."

"Thank you, Draco, but do not put yourself at personal risk.  You are most useful to everyone alive and intact."  Draco nodded, gave a slight bow in McGonagall's direction, and left the office.

There was a moment of silence after his departure.

"They start so young, don't they Albus."

"Too young, Minerva.  He baits you already; more like Severus every day."

McGonagal snorted.  "Too much like Severus."

Dumbledore looked grim.  "We must contact him immediately."

_Ow.  Heh, that was inspired, Mya.  Bloody hell, my head's pounding.  Where the hell am I?  I probably don't want to know._

Against her better judgement, Hermione opened her eyes.  They widened reflexively when she saw the blood red eyes gazing back at her. 

"You're awake.  How nice."  The voice sent chills down her spine.  "Do you know who I am, little girl?"

"No, I've been living in a cave for the past few years."  The words had come out before she'd been able to stop herself.  _Damn!!!  Good one, Mya, piss off the most evil wizard of our time.  Brain-mouth surgical reattachment has got to become a priority._

He smiled.  And slapped her, hard.  Hermione's head snapped to the right side, coming into contact with her arm.  She noticed for the first time that her hands were drawn above her head and chained, just high enough to force her onto tiptoe.  _Great.  This won't be comfortable for long.  Hell, it's not comfortable NOW._

Voldemort continued smiling.  "Dayrin was right.  You _will_ be entertaining."

_Oh hell.  I guess that means they won't be letting me go willingly._

He reached up and grabbed both sides of her jaw, hitting pressure points and forcing it open.  Hermione choked slightly on the liquid he poured down.  _Veritaserum.  Surprise, surprise.  How unoriginal._

"How does Dumbledore intend to defeat me?"

"No clue."  He frowned at this.

"Where is he hiding Harry Potter?"

"No clue."

"Are there spies in my ranks?"

"Probably, but I really couldn't say for sure.  I mean you're not the most glowing personality.  Are there spies in ours?"  He glared at her, enraged.

"Veritaserum truly does not work on you."

"What makes you think it's not working?"

Voldemort slapped her again.  "You wouldn't be talking in such a manner if it were, Mudblood."

"I'll remember that in the future."  _Why in the world can I never control my mouth when it's prudent? And the slapping is not improving my headache._

"Legilimens!"

The spell hit her and a memory spilled out.  She was riding a horse fast, approaching a fence.  They jumped it easily, horse and rider, and shot forward into the woods.

That was it.  No more memories came rushing forth.  Hermione watched Voldemort but said nothing.

He moved closer and concentrated harder.  There was nothing.  _I have no idea why I'm not cringing as all my memories are laid bare to the world._

Voldemort broke off the spell abruptly.

"Dayrin.  Break her more conventionally.  Her resistance to legilimency is probably related to her resistance to Veritaserum.  I trust she is not resistant to pain."  He turned back to her and focused his blood-red gaze on her once more.  "Though by the time you're finished, she may wish she were."

_I already wish I was._


	4. Chapter 3

The look on Severus Snape's face was impassive.  He sat in the kitchen of the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix, listening to Dumbledore speak.  After the headmaster had finished, he waited for a beat then began.

"She was ambushed in Muggle London by Bellatrix Lestrange and her nephew, Dayrin Lestrange.  She fought hard, wounding Bellatrix, but sustained a head injury, rendering her incapable of effective escape.  Voldemort himself questioned her, only to realize that she is indeed resistant to both Veritaserum and Legilimency.  She was apparently quite rude to him; typical of Miss Granger to speak before thinking.  We shall blame it on the head injury, hm?  She has been remanded to the care of Dayrin, who has expressed…_interest_ in her.  He is to break her by more conventional methods."  Snape paused for a moment and Harry seized the opportunity.

"You have to help her then!  Save her!  Do something, you can't just let them torture her!"  Ron remained eerily silent.

"Don't be an idiot, Harry."  Ginny spoke impatiently.  "He can't just break her out.  They'll _both_ get killed and his cover will be blown.  It's the stupidest idea I've ever heard; haven't you ever considered subtlety?  It's no wonder you're friends with Ron.  Besides, obviously he's done _something_ or he wouldn't be sitting there so placidly, so let him finish."  The warning in her tone silenced Harry before he could respond.

Snape glanced at Arthur Weasley.  "It must be comforting to know that at least one of your children is not a hopeless dunderhead."  Molly turned scarlet, while Arthur smiled.  Bill Weasley laughed.

"High praise from you, Professor.  All you ever told me is that I had enough brains to survive to adulthood, but my existence beyond that was anyone's guess." 

"And I see myself proven right yet again.  In any case, Miss Weasley is right.  I managed to convince Voldemort that he'd just had the brilliant idea of having me heal her every night after her…sessions with Lestrange.  That way she'd last longer and the prospect of endless healing followed by torture would break her psychologically.  I would also become a proxy father figure: she might open up to me, revealing more than she ever would to her torturers.  Muggles call it 'Stockholm Syndrome.'  That is what will happen—in theory.  In reality it will buy me time to figure out a way to help her escape without compromising my own situation."

"Of course, your situation is paramount," Harry muttered.

"Oh shut up Harry!"  Ginny was exasperated.  "Obviously he's more useful to the Order alive and spying than dead and having been fed enough Veritaserum to choke a horse!"  Remus Lupin snorted morosely and Snape looked somewhat bemused.

"I must return, Headmaster.  My presence will be missed and it will soon be time for me to tend to Miss Granger.  I will update you regularly."

He rose swiftly and exited, leaving the remainder of those in the room quiet and pensive.

Harry rose to leave, angry and frustrated, and Ginny grabbed his arm, pulling him into a hug.

"I know you're worried, we all are.  Trust him Harry.  There's no other choice," she whispered gently.  He tensed up, then relaxed and began shaking in her arms.  Slowly, the others drifted out.  Fred and George left last, looking dazed and leaving Ron sitting at the table, staring at nothing while Remus patted his back and murmured to him in a low voice, and Harry being rocked soothingly by Ginny.

Hermione groaned in pain as Bellatrix released the Cruciatus.  "I wish I could have you for myself.  I've always wondered if anyone could last longer than the Longbottoms did.  I think you could."  She leered at Hermione.

"Thanks.  Something to put on my resume," Hermione spat.  Bellatrix walked around her and picked up a leather whip from the ground.  Hermione clenched her jaw and tried not to scream as it ripped into her back. _ Your mouth gets you in so much trouble.  Don't scream.  Just don't.  She's not worth your screams.  _Bellatrix came up behind her and ran a hand down her arm and side. 

"How does Dumbledore plan to defeat our lord?"

"Your lord."

She felt something warm and realized Bellatrix had lit her wand.  _This is going to hurt._  The flame touched one of the open wounds on the fleshy part of her back and she finally screamed and passed out.

When Hermione woke, she was crumpled into a ball in the corner of the dungeon-like room and someone was gently pulling her into a sitting position.  She lashed out reflexively with the knife they had failed to remove from her waistband and someone caught her wrist in a gentle but firm grip.

"I'm here to help, Miss Granger," came the low mellifluous voice.

"No offense, but I'd have to be a complete moron to believe you."

"I'm not asking you to believe me then.  I suggest you use the knife more prudently in the future.  In any case I shall do to you as I please."

"True, but I don't have to make it easy."  He applied a potion to her face to heal the blood vessels she'd ruptured during the Cruciatus.  She sighed in relief and relaxed into his touch.  "Or I can make it easy."

"I thought you might feel that way."  He gathered her gently in his arms and lifted her.  Hermione grunted in pain.  Snape set her down on bench he'd transfigured and stepped around her.

He began to murmur spells and apply potions to heal the burnt, weeping gouges on her back.  She shocked him by refraining from asking questions.  He shocked her by gently stroking her back. 

"I will help you in any way I can.  It is safe to talk here, I've cast several charms to safeguard the room.  When I am here you are protected by me."

"Can you stay forever?"  She smiled wanly.  "I'm going to be here for awhile, aren't I?" she asked softly.

"Yes, you probably will," he replied honestly.

"I'll make it."

"I know you will," he said confidently.  She laughed, then squeaked as he reset her wrist.

"Couldn't you have transfigured a big leather couch or something?" she asked jokingly as she shifted on the hard bench.

"It's worse when you go back to hanging from the ceiling if you've enjoyed that moment of comfort." 

"Speaking from experience, I presume."  He grunted and went to work on the deeper gouges on her back with a second potion.

 _Who knew God looked like Severus Snape?  Or at least one of His angels happens to bear a passing resemblance._

"You will be turned over to Dayrin Lestrange tomorrow.  He will be worse than Bellatrix.  Prepare yourself."

"Yeah.  Fantastic.  I'm gonna come out of that one in excruciating pain, aren't I?"

"Probably.  I shall be here when you do."

"Careful, Professor.  I might start thinking you're human if you continue like this.  That's how rumours start." 

"I would be only too glad to hear such rumours.  It would mean you've survived this intact."


	5. Chapter 4

_Seven days, thirteen hours, thirty-one minutes.  Make that thirty-two minutes.  _Hermione grunted as Dayrin slid the stiletto knife into her side with deadly precision, then moaned as he twisted it.  _He literally twists the knife, doesn't he? It's a good thing I can have conversations with myself…otherwise I might have to pay attention to what he's doing to me.  Seven days, thirteen hours, thirty-five minutes.  I'll make it…someone's at the door…wonder who it is…  _

Dayrin paused in his ministrations and looked up.  "It'll be just a moment, my love.  Then we can return to our conversation."

"It's not a conversation if you're the only one talking."

"We'll remedy that, eventually.  I am patient.  Besides, your pain speaks to me, if you do not."

"Lovely," Hermione grunted.  The door opened and Draco Malfoy walked in.  Hermione did not react to his presence in the slightest, and Dayrin seemed to grimace.

"Hello Cousin Dayrin, my father told me you have a pet I might be interested in.  The bane of my existence, to be exact.  Are you taking good care of her?"

"Excellent care," Dayrin replied.  He gripped Hermione possessively.  "And I'd like to get back to tending to her, if you please."

Draco smiled ingratiatingly.  "Aunt Bellatrix told me I could visit with her."

"Of course you may," Dayrin acquiesced graciously, falling victim to Draco's charm.  "You may even interact with her alone.  I'm hungry, I believe I shall call it a day and have supper." 

"I brought truffles for you, they're upstairs.  Aunt Bellatrix gave me the Mudblood's food."

Dayrin smiled.  "Thank you, Draco.  Take your time with my prize and enjoy."  He turned to Hermione.  "Be good for my Cousin, Princess."  He pulled her forward and kissed her on the mouth, invading her.  _God it gets more nauseating every time he does that._

He pulled away and she spat in his general direction.  "You really need to learn how to kiss.  It's no wonder you haven't got a girl.  Well, being crazy probably doesn't help either."  He waved as he strolled out.  Draco shut the door behind him and set wards.

"Bloody hell, Bushy, do you _want_ to get the life beaten out of you?  Damn, you look a sight."  He walked over and released her arms from the chains, catching her on the way down.  Draco half-dragged her to a corner and settled her down.  Hermione leaned heavily on him.

"You're not going to beat the crap out of me?"

"I can't believe you even asked me that, Hermione."  Draco looked angry. 

Hermione sighed.  "I'm sorry, Draco.  My perceptions of everything are starting to become skewed.  Forget I ever said something that idiotic."

He didn't reply, but hugged her tightly to him.  "Gods, Hermione, Severus and I are both doing our damnedest to get you the hell out of here, but it's slow going.  The fact that you refuse to scream is tantalizing to Bellatrix and Dayrin.  You should just scream, it'll be easier on you."

"There's no way I'm going to scream for that twisted son of a bitch, Draco."

"It'll be easier—"

"No."

"Bushy—"

"No."

He groaned.  "Fine.  You're being thickheaded about this, but I understand.  Severus and I will just keep working at it.  We'll succeed eventually, I promise you."  He leaned close to her ear and whispered: "I'm not going to leave you here, Bushy.  Not for anything.  You still have to help me win Harry's heart, remember?  And I still have to show you how to fly properly.  If you give up, I'll never forgive you."  Hermione smiled and snuggled against him, letting his comfort wash over her and bolster her defenses.

"I won't give up, Draco.  I was made for more in this world than breaking at the hands of an over-indulged psychotic teenager."

"He's twenty-six."

"Men mature more slowly than women.  Psychologically, he's still a teenager."

They both began to giggle and before long, they were laughing hysterically.  They were still laughing when the knock on the door sounded.  Hermione froze and Draco looked up.  Without saying a word, he flipped Hermione onto her back, pinning her beneath him.  With one hand, he trapped her arms above her, and the other hand slid under her shirt.  A look of complete irritation washed over his face as he growled "Enter!"  Hermione tried to look terrified.  _Not really that hard.  I mean, if that's Dayrin and he doesn't buy this, we're fucked.  Literally._

Snape walked in.  He shut the door behind him silently, and surveyed the scene.  "It would be far more believable if your pants were not still on, Mr. Malfoy, and you were struggling, Miss Granger."  Snape put the wards up.

"Thanks, Severus.  I'll remember that next time I have to pretend to rape someone."  The words were light but the tone was serious.  They all knew that the idea was not as preposterous as it seemed.

"Will you kindly let Miss Granger up?  No doubt the bacteria on that floor is busily invading her wounds to make my job all the more difficult."  He occupied himself transfiguring a bench.

Draco rose, hastily, and lifted Hermione up with him.

"Put me down, Fairy.  I can stand, I think."

"I feel better holding you," he replied tartly.

"How sweet," Snape interjected.  "Set her down on the bench."

Draco did so, and Hermione and Snape began their nightly routine of treatment.  Hermione shrugged off the remnants of her shirt and leaned forward.  Snape began applying potions methodically.  Silence reigned for a moment, then Draco broke the mood.

"Are you two always this quiet?"

"No, sometimes we snipe at each other," Hermione replied.  "I'm just tired today.  I'm starting to wear."  Snape paused and looked meaningfully at Draco.  _I'm so tired.  I can't believe I've lasted this long, even.  _

"Hermione," Snape said quietly, "I need to see your hands and feet now, please."  She looked up at him and nodded.

Flashback

Her longest, loudest, and only scream to date had come three days earlier, after Dayrin Lestrange had left, just before Snape entered the room.  When Snape heard the scream, his pace had quickened almost imperceptibly.  He entered the room with some trepidation, and the sight had pierced him as few things did.

Hermione was hanging from her customary spot, but she was writhing in pain and tears were streaming down her cheeks.

He'd let her down instantly and run over.  She was as close to hysterical as Snape had ever seen, shaking uncontrollably.  Sobbing, she showed him her hands, and he'd blanched. 

They'd pulled out all of her fingernails, one by one.  He looked down at her feet and realized the same indignity had been inflicted there.  Snape wrapped her in his arms and began rocking her back and forth, then murmured a spell to anesthetize her.  Hermione went limp in his arms, and he went to work healing her.

End Flashback

"Gods, Hermione, what did they do to you?"  Draco was shocked.

"It's called torture, Draco.  They pulled out my fingernails and toenails."  Hermione's face was drawn and pale.

"Bloody hell," he murmured.

"Does it still hurt, Hermione?"  Snape asked calmly.

"Not as much.  A kind of dull ache now.  My right hand burns a bit, though."  Snape turned her hand over gently and frowned. 

"It's getting infected.  I'll do what I can and bring a potion tomorrow that will deal with that."  He applied what balms he had brought efficiently but gently.  As he worked on her, healing three broken ribs and mending a punctured and hemorrhaging kidney, Hermione began to slump tiredly against Draco.

Snape began his final bit of work on her kidney, and she curled on her side in Draco's lap, dozing.  Draco looked at Snape, worriedly.

"She won't last must longer, will she Severus?"

"I can't honestly say, Draco.  After the nails, she was rambling incoherently.  I believe it was her weakest moment thus far, and she's been here for a week now.  I wasn't sure she was going to make it that night, but then, she's a remarkable girl."  Snape's tone was somewhat reverent.  Draco understood perfectly: Hermione had been subjected to torture most people couldn't imagine for a week now, and still managed to keep her wit.  He couldn't imagine seeing straight after what she'd been through but she was managing to laugh. 

"She's beginning to wear down though, isn't she?"  Draco persisted.

"Yes," Snape replied.  He lapsed into silence as he cleaned up.  The night they'd ripped out her nails, he'd talked to her.  She had rambled for hours, incoherently, and when she'd stopped he shared the only wisdom he had. 

_"The meaning of life, Miss Granger, is not survival.  I know it is tempting to think that is the only thing that matters."  _

_"Well, what is the meaning of life then, sir?" _

_ "You'll know it when you find it, Hermione."_

Hermione was gazing at him now.  She had calmed down that night and had seemed stronger thereafter.  _He lends me his strength, as much as he can.  Remember to thank him, Mya, when you get out of this._

Draco was stroking her hair as he watched them interact silently.  He realized that Snape had adopted her of sorts, made her one of his own.  And he was fiercely loyal to his 'family,' Draco knew from experience. 

"We should go, Severus.  We've been here too long."

"Yes.  You leave first, Draco.  She and I are supposed to be 'bonding' so she reveals all her secrets to me," Snape replied dryly.  Draco nodded, gave Hermione one last hug, and a sandwich, "A treat," he whispered, and left.

"I am doing what I can to get you out of here, Miss Granger."

"I know, sir." 

With that, Snape left Hermione to her thoughts and her sandwich.  _Real food.__  Not bread and water…_

_Seven days, eighteen hours, fifteen minutes._


	6. Chapter 5

_Sixteen days, fifteen hours, forty-seven minutes.  I've been here for at least two lifetimes.  And it hurts like a bugger._

Dayrin Lestrange had a…well, _strange_ look in his eyes.  He approached Hermione slowly, giving her ample time to register the strange look on his face.  _He'd be handsome if he weren't a sadistic bastard._  Tall, with sandy blond hair and hazel eyes, Dayrin Lestrange was quite likely the cream of the sadistic bastard crop.  He approached Hermione with what could only be called a flirtatious expression.  _A bit late to appeal to my feminine sensibilities._

"Tonight, princess, you become mine completely.  But I must know: has Cousin Draco already had you?  He's been in here several times and I never told him he couldn't, but I assumed he knew better than to touch you that way.  After all, you're _my_ pet."  He closed in and rested a hand on her hip.  His other hand caressed her face.  Dayrin leaned forward and nuzzled her neck.

"I can taste your fear and loathing."  He pressed up against her.  "I like it." 

_This is going to be one of the most painful experiences of my life.  Do NOT cry, Mya.  I refuse to allow you to blubber like an idiot.  Just talk to yourself.  _But she couldn't stop herself from cringing as his hand slid down to the front of her jeans and unfastened them. 

"Yes.  Be afraid for me, Princess.  It will make it so much better."  Dayrin pulled off Hermione's jeans and admired her.  Her shirt was already off from her time earlier in the day with Bellatrix and Bellatrix's whip.  Hermione's body was bruised, battered, scarred, and burnt.  Dayrin seemed to love it.  He unchained her, and when she fell, caught her and dragged her over to a wall.

"It's easier for me if there's a wall behind you, Princess," he murmured as he rechained her.  He unhooked her bra and removed her panties.  _Just pretend you're not here Hermione, just like you did with the nails, just pretend that you're not here.  He won't break you, he can't break you, you're stronger than he is, just pretend that you're not here…oh god, oh god, it hurts, don't cry, but it hurts, dear God, please, someone, please, just stop him!  _She choked back a scream as he pounded into her, tearing delicate flesh, bruising her internally.  He grinned as her blood streamed down his engorged penis.  _Deep breaths, Mya.__  Severus will be here later, and he'll help you.  It can't last forever, Hermione.  He's probably a two minute man, right?  The pain always stops eventually, even if it's just for a minute so he can switch torture instruments.  _He got off and picked up a piece of what resembled metal piping.

He finished, after what felt like an eternity.  Hermione's internal clock put it at two and a half hours.  An eternity.  _You survived, Mya.  I told you so.  Now, tell him what you've always known._ 

Hermione looked up and stared Dayrin in the eyes.

"You're never going to break me," she said calmly.

He punched her so hard her jaw dislocated and stormed out of the room.

Hermione passed out.

She awoke to someone releasing her chains.  _Snape__.__  Thank you, Lord, for him._  She collapsed in his arms, trembling.  Ignoring the blood smearing on his robes, he pulled her against him, into his lap, and held her tightly.  Snape murmured comfortingly into her hair as she clutched at him, trying to disappear into him.

She eventually relaxed against him, and opened her eyes.  _You're starkers, Mya.  Bloody hell, who cares?  _He looked into her eyes and caressed her face gently, then popped her jaw back into place with lightning speed.  Hermione let out a deep grunt of pain. 

"I'm sorry, Hermione.  It won't hurt for long.  I'm also sorry to make this worse, but you're bleeding internally, and I have to heal it.  Please, just keep looking at me, it will make it easier.  I am here to heal you, to help you; I am here because I care.  Never forget that.  I care about you.  Draco cares about you."  As he spoke, he began applying a potion by touch to her inner thighs, working his way up slowly, soothingly, with clinical precision and professional gentleness.  "Harry cares about you.  Ron cares about you.  Ginny cares about you."  He'd reached the delicate tissue of her labia and vagina, and was applying the creamy potion liberally, never breaking his gaze into her eyes.  "Molly cares about you.  Albus cares about you.  Tonks cares about you.  Remus cares about you."  He finished and murmured a cleaning charm to deal with the blood in her nether regions.  Snape lifted her carefully and set her on her stomach on the padded bench he'd transfigured, then went to work on her back and bum, hesitating and grabbing the potion when he saw her bum.

_I'm going to be alright.  Snape will help me.  I'll be okay.  I'm stronger than them._

As soon as he'd broken eye contact with her, Snape had acknowledged the horror and anger he felt.  For one of the few times in his life, he felt like crying. 

Severus finished his terse briefing in the kitchen of the Order of the Phoenix and watched as everyone trickled out.  He'd kept it edited, saying only that the situation was unchanged.  As soon as everyone save himself and Lupin had left, he pulled out a large bottle of firewhiskey and poured a liberal amount into two glasses.

"She's strong.  The strongest person I've ever met, quite possibly.  Any lesser being would have broken, but she endures.  And all I can give her is the cold reassurance that I'm trying to get her out."

"It's probably more comforting to her than you know, Severus.  She draws strength from the fact that she knows you're coming every night to help her.  Your cold reassurance keeps her going.  You underestimate yourself."  Remus was supportive.

Snape looked at him, and Remus saw the haunted soul possessed within.  "You didn't pick up her bloody, broken body, Remus.  He raped her and sodomized her and ripped her apart from the inside out.  _He used a pipe._  It made me sick to my stomach.  And then to compound the indignity, I had to apply the potion--" He stopped short, and turned his gaze resolutely to the firewhiskey.

Remus closed his eyes.  "I know," he said softly.  "There's not a moment that goes by that I don't worry about her, imagining the horrors they've inflicted on her.  To have to clean her up every night, only to see her violated each morning must be…but you have to realize that for Hermione, you're the only proof she has that there's still a world out there waiting for her.  There's still a God out there, and he's still fighting for her.  You're all she has, and from the fact that she hasn't broken yet, I'd say you're all she needs."

"I bloody well wish it was you instead of me.  At least you'd know what to say."  For once, Snape acknowledged that Lupin was superior to him in some way.

"No, I wouldn't.  Your silent strength and gentle touch is probably a lot more bolstering than my shocked babblings.  I don't know if I could handle seeing her that way," he said quietly.

Snape looked at Remus, who was staring into the fire, and he understood.

"I'll get her out, Lupin.  This much I swear to you."

"I know you will, Severus, and so does she."


	7. Chapter 6

_Twenty-two days, seven hours, sixteen minutes.  Gods, my bloody internal clock is annoying.  As though it isn't bad enough being here, my subconscious has to tick off every minute of it.  Looks like I'm awake before the rest of the…house?  Not sure…should ask Snape where I am, exactly.  Ah, footsteps approach.  Time for another fun game of 'Hermione the Pinata.'  Starring Hermione Granger as 'The Pinata' and Dayrin Lestrange as 'The Bat-Wielding Demonic Kid.'_

Snape walked through the door.  Hermione's eyes narrowed as she calculated the ramifications of his presence, but she remained silent when he didn't close the door behind him.  Snape gave a mental sigh of relief that she'd caught the reference.  He walked over and stood against a wall.

Hermione kept her gaze on the door and braced herself when she saw Voldemort enter, flanked by Dayrin Lestrange and Bellatrix Lestrange. 

"You've proven yourself strong, but not stronger than myself," said Voldemort coldly.  "You have one last chance: where is Dumbledore hiding Harry Potter?  What is his plan to defeat me?"

"No clue," she replied resolutely. _ And the end comes back to the beginning.  We've been this route before, I think._

"Fine," Voldemort replied, fixing his red gaze on her.  "My loyal follower Snape has developed a potion that will work quite nicely then."  _Snape__?__  No!  He's helping me!  Not betraying me!_  The play of emotions that ran across her face before she could squelch them made Voldemort smile.

"Did you really think he was your friend?  Hardly.  He is my loyal Deatheater.  And now he will be the instrument of your undoing.  Take her, Severus, she is yours."  Snape smiled evilly and knelt.

"Thank you, my Lord.  I shall serve you well."

"I know," replied Voldemort.  He turned and left.  "Dayrin, leave her!  She is yours no longer."  Dayrin Lestrange gave her one last longing look and left.

Snape waited for a moment, then came and unchained her, wrapping her in a cloak. 

"Do I need to carry you, Hermione?"

"No, just help me," she replied softly.  _It's a ploy.  He's getting me out of here!  I knew he'd manage it eventually._

Snape looped an arm around her and slung one of her arms around his shoulders, then shifted, bringing her weight on to him.  They proceeded slowly up a set of stairs, into an empty hallway.  Severus wrapped his arms around Hermione, took a breath, and disapparated.

They apparated outside a large manor.  Snape allowed her to shift into a comfortable position, then smiled slightly at her.

"Welcome to Snape Manor."  He helped her inside, then gave short orders to a house-elf with a gentle expression and a quiet demeanor.  Hermione looked around, absorbing her surroundings.  _Nice digs.  Large, airy, nicely decorated…not all cluttered and baroque.  Even his house-elf seems like a pro._

Snape half carried her up a set of stairs and into a bedroom, where pajamas were laid out on a large bed with a down comforter and sky blue sheets.  Hermione smiled at the soft colors and airy set up of the room and noted the trouble he'd gone to for her.  The pajamas were a nice touch.  _Hold on just one minute…those pajamas look familiar…Wait!  They're MY pajamas!  He got me my pajamas!  _He set her down on an armchair facing outside onto the spacious grounds, then disappeared into another room.  Hermione heard water running and allowed herself to relax.  She noticed a bundle of letters on the bed and smiled.  _He had everyone write me.  Gods, a bath sounds nice.  _

Snape came out of what Hermione now assumed was the bathroom and looked at her.  "Are you up for a bath, Hermione?  I'm having Silla prepare food for you.  I would do it myself, but I cannot be everywhere at once."  She smiled at him.

"A bath sounds wonderful, and so does food, and I do not expect you to cook for me.  You're doing enough as it is."

"Not nearly enough as you deserve, Miss Granger," he replied calmly.  "Do you need help into the bathroom?"

"Yeah.  I don't know if I have the coordination left to unfasten my jeans."  She hauled herself up, favoring her right leg, and suddenly remembered something.  As Snape moved to slide an arm around her waist, she stopped him, faced him with both hands on his shoulders for support and looked him in the eyes.

"Thank you, sir.  I don't know if I've said it before, but I'm saying it now.  Thank you.  I might not have made it if I didn't know you'd be there every night to help me."  She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.  He froze for a moment, realizing that someone was hugging him just to hug him, for the first time in a long while.  Severus and Hermione hugged for several minutes, then he murmured gently in her ear, "You're not getting any better smelling, Hermione."

She pulled back, shocked, then started laughing.  "You're right.  Let's go."  _Sense of humor.__  Shocks me every time.._

Ten minutes later, she was relaxing in a bubble bath, letting the knots in her muscles relax, frowning at the stiffness in her right knee.  Dayrin had blown the kneecap three times and she was beginning to worry.  _What if it's permanently damaged?_  She sipped from a well-deserved glass of white wine Snape had provided silently.  _You survived almost a month in captivity, Mya.  You deserve major credit for that._  Half an hour later, she was starting to doze.  Snape knocked lightly at the door.

"The water is quite likely starting to get cold, Miss Granger, which is hardly good for your health.  And lunch is ready."  Hermione smiled.  _Beats the bread and water diet I had going.  Although the lunches Draco smuggled in were always nice…I'll probably never eat a ham sandwich again, though._

She climbed out of the bathtub, turned on the shower, washed her hair and rinsed her body, and stepped out.  A big fluffy white bathrobe and clean underwear awaited her.  Hermione dried herself and put on the undies, then pulled on the robe, tightened the belt, and put on the matching white slippers.  She tugged a comb through her hair and wrapped it in a towel, then walked out.

Snape was setting up lunch on the small table against the window.  He had two place settings and was lifting the lid off a platter.

"Are ham sandwiches acceptable?"  She stared at him and he began to laugh.  "I'm sorry, Miss Granger, I couldn't resist.  We're having grilled breast of chicken with garlic and rosemary, some rice, and baked potatoes.  Try not to eat too much, your stomach may not be able to handle it."  _A feast!  Yum!  Is it possible to be any hungrier than I am?  _

"Better be careful, Professor.  Soon the rumours I plan to spread will include bits about you having a sense of humour.  A somewhat twisted sense of humour, but a sense of humour nonetheless!"_  Full of surprises, our Professor Snape is._

She sat across from him and smiled.  "Real food, amazing."

"Well, don't tell Madam Pomfrey.  She'd insist that it's too spicy for your delicate constitution.  Having seen you eat the food Draco brought, I'm sure you can handle this.  Oh, incidentally, I burned your clothes.  I did not think you would mind."  He handed her the switchblade and she met his eyes for a moment, then took it and tossed it on the bed.  They ate in silence for a few minutes, then Snape set down his fork and fixed his gaze on her.

"Miss Granger, who is your legal guardian?"  he asked directly.

_Oh.  Hell.  This is going to be messy._


	8. Chapter 7

Hermione took a deep breath.  "My parents…that is…I…" she stopped, took another breath, and centered herself.  _Say it, Hermione.__  They're dead. Dead.  It's Snape, he of all people will understand._

He watched her expectantly.

"They didn't leave me one."  Snape's eyes flickered in surprise, then he nodded, almost to himself.

"I presumed as much.  What happened and why did you not tell anyone?"

"They didn't leave me a guardian in their living will, and my uncle, who I was living with for awhile after my parents were killed, died in a car crash shortly after I went to live with him.  That was the end of the line, there was no one else left.  I didn't really want to burden anyone with my problems, so I dealt with it myself."

"They coddled Potter when Black died.  Don't spout bullshit at me and expect me to believe it, Miss Granger."

_Come on, Mya.  Tell him the truth._  "I felt responsible for the accident and for my parents.  Don't say anything, I know neither of the incidents were my fault, but my parents wouldn't have been in danger were it not for my rather visible presence in the wizarding world.  Uncle Thomas had gone to run an errand for me when he died.  I took care of the funeral arrangements and went to therapy.  I didn't say anything because I was trying to deal with some issues, and after I dealt with them, I felt no need to say anything."

"You're amazing Miss Granger.  You had the presence of mind to enter therapy after your uncle died on impact in, and I quote, 'one of the worst traffic collisions South London has ever seen' and your parents were brutally murdered.  You astound me more with every moment.  However, in light of your parental situation, I extend an open invitation to Snape Manor."

"Thank you, Severus.  I will definitely keep that in mind."  She smiled radiantly at him and yawned widely.

"Change into your pajamas and go to bed, Miss Granger.  I will check in on you later."  He rose and picked up the plates.  Hermione moved to help him, thought the better of it, and changed into her pajamas.

Snape bade her goodnight and left.  _It's the middle of the afternoon.  I'll just read some letters till I get tired.  _She picked up the one at the top of the pile and recognized Harry's scrawl.

**Dearest Hermione,**

**We're so worried about you.  Snape told us to write you letters and that he'd give them to you, so here I am.  I asked him why we couldn't just see you and he gave me the Greasy Git Death Stare.  I miss you so much, Hermione, and I can't sleep worrying about you.  Snape says you're okay, considering, but he could be lying for all I know, trying to stop us from panicking.  Come back to us, 'Mione.  Snape says he'll take care of you and I believe him, but I'll feel better when you're here with us again.**

**All my love,**

**Harry.**

Hermione smiled and snuggled into bed.  She picked up Ron's letter next.

**Dear 'Mione,**

**Snape**** told us to write you, so Harry and I are sitting in the Common Room writing.  Harry said it's sort of like a video diary, whatever that is.  We're worried sick about you, 'Mione.  Mum and Ginny cried for relief when Snape said he'd got you out.  I got a bit misty myself.  Life's not the same without you here telling us to do our work.  We're back in school, they told everyone you took the term off for personal reasons.  You're probably the only person in the world who'd be upset about that.  We miss you bunches, 'Mione, come back to us soon.  In any case, the old bat's sitting here waiting for us to finish, so I'd best be going.  We love you 'Mione, and we'll see you soon.**

**--Ronald Weasley**

Hermione laughed at the mental scene she'd set.  _They waited till the last moment to do their letters, I'm sure.  So tired…_  She began to doze, but picked up one last letter.

**My Dearest Hermione,**

**I was elated when Severus told us you were safe.  We've all been terribly concerned for you.  Your bright smile and cheerful love of learning has left a dim sadness in its wake.  I'm so sorry this happened to you of all people.  Between last summer and this, it's amazing you're not completely insane.  You're not completely insane, are you?  I'm sure Severus would have mentioned it if you were.  **

**I eagerly anticipate your return to us.  Rest, recover, and know that we love you.**

**Love,**

**Remus******

Hermione slipped Remus' letter under her pillow, smiled, and drifted off to sleep.  Snape entered several hours later and walked to her bedside.  He leaned over to check her breathing and pupils quickly and made sure she wasn't running a fever. 

"Hermione," he murmured in a low voice.  She mumbled in her sleep and sighed.  "I'll transfigure the chair into a sofa and sleep here tonight, in case you start running a fever or something of the sort.  I shall return."  She nodded, half awake, and slipped into sleep again.

Snape exited and went to his personal chambers.  He walked over to the fireplace and flooed into the Order of the Phoenix.

"She's fine," he told the assembled group.  "Sleeping peacefully with Silla watching over her.  I shall keep her with me for three weeks, until it is no longer suspicious to release her.  It will also be prudent to let her rest for a time."  Dumbledore, Molly and Arthur Weasley, Remus, and Tonks all nodded.

"Lupin, you should be here when she returns.  Someone will need to watch over her.  I recommend she spend a week acclimating to human presences other than myself and the Lestranges before she is sent back to Hogwarts.  She is already ahead in my class and should have little trouble catching up to her classmates in her other subjects.  I will floo to Hogwarts on Monday for class and leave immediately thereafter to tend to her.  The possible spies in my class will think nothing of it—it is common knowledge that I am to test a potion on her."

"That sounds just fine, Severus.  You will take good care of her, I'm sure.  Do not let us keep you from her."  Albus twinkled cheerily, restored to good humour in light of Hermione's rescue.

Snape nodded once, quickly, glanced at Lupin, and flooed back to his manor.  He went back to Hermione's room and transfigured the chair into a sofa, grabbed a blanket and pillow, and settled in to sleep.

Three hours later, he jerked into wakefulness as Hermione tossed and turned, groaning softly in her dreams.  Snape stood and went to her bedside.

"Miss Granger?  It is a dream.  Relax, it is just a dream."  He placed a calming hand on her shoulder and Hermione relaxed slowly.  Snape moved to return to the sofa and Hermione sat straight up, choking back a scream.

_No!  I won't tell you anything, nothing!  Let me go, make it stop!  Wait…it stopped.  Because you're awake, numnuts.  There's no one after you and poor Snape looks like he had a heart attack._

"Sorry," she mumbled.  "Just a dream, right?"

"No," he replied gently.  "A nightmare based on memories of the torture you endured for over three weeks."  Snape sat down and pulled her into his arms.

"Right, of course," she replied and burst into tears.  Snape rocked her soothingly till the sobs subsided. 

"Feel better, Hermione?"

"Loads," she said sleepily.  "Crying is exhausting work.  Goodnight, Severus.  Thank you."

"No need to thank me, Hermione.  It is, after all, what I am here for."  He tucked the blankets around her and returned to the couch.  Snape watched her pensively for hours before succumbing to sleep himself.


	9. Chapter 8

A/N:  Alrighty, here's a bit more.  Thanks for the review, Avestia, you rock!!  A note to everyone: I adjusted "If Life Was Normal, What Would We Do for Fun?" to reflect the relationships I've developed here.  Snape and Hermione's dynamic was completely changed after I finished this fic and I decided I liked their relationship here better…if any of that made sense.  So if it bothers you the Snape/Hermione dynamic is different…be happy now.

"How are you, Severus?"

"Shoudn't you be asking after, Miss Granger, Lupin?"

"I trust you would tell me if there was anything I needed to know," Remus replied pleasantly.  "But how are _you_, Severus?"

Snape sighed.  "Fine.  Relieved that she's out and not completely nutters."

"And?"

"And what?"  Snape asked, sharply.  "What are you getting at, Lupin?"

Remus shrugged.  "I'm getting at nothing, Severus.  But you left that statement unfinished and we both know it."

"I'm beginning to care for her and it worries me."  Snape acceded, reticently.

"Care for her in what way?" Remus asked evenly.  Snape eyed him carefully then turned back to the fire roaring in the room.

"As though she were a daughter or sister or…I don't know."

"Or Rain?"  Snape shot him an angry glare.

"This is not about Rain!"

"Calm down, Severus, you'll wake Hermione.  I know this isn't about Rain.  What I meant is that you're beginning to consider Hermione your family.  It scares you because you haven't had that sort of connection in a long while, and the last time you did—"  Lupin stopped.

"She left me," Snape finished.  "You can say it, Lupin.  Rain was taken from me and Callah left me.  And ran to you," he added bitterly.

It was Remus' turn to look angry.  "She did no such thing.  She never stopped loving you, you thickheaded ass!  Callah came to me for guidance, nothing more, but you couldn't see past your own anger and pain.  If you'd bothered, you might have seen how much she was hurting.  You never even gave her a chance to explain!"  Remus let out a low, frustrated growl.

"Kindly keep out of my personal affairs, Lupin," Snape shot coldly.  He sighed, tiredly.  "Perhaps you're right and perhaps you're not.  In any case, it's over and in the past—she's gone.  There's no use agonizing over it any longer."

Remus threw up his hands.  "You're a hopeless idiot sometimes, Severus.  I would love to sit down and explain to you in detail why you're completely wrong, but I must return to headquarters.  We _will_ continue this conversation later.  Give Hermione my love and tell her I'll see her soon."

Snape nodded, still staring at the fire.  Remus rolled his eyes and flooed out.

Several moments later, Snape gripped his arm and sighed.  He left the house and apparated to a clearing in the woods.

"Severus."

"My lord," Severus replied, while bowing.

"How goes the potion?"

"It is still in its initial phases.  Results are unclear.  It will be effective, I believe."

"I do not deal in beliefs, I deal in realities."  Snape mentally groaned.

"Of course my lord."  He bowed.

"Leave, Severus."

"Yes, my lord." Snape turned to leave.

"Crucio!"

Snape hit the ground and heard a commotion behind him.

"Avada Kedavra!"  Snape was released from the curse.

"Severus?"

"Yes, my lord?" Snape gasped.

"Nott apparently could not take the pressure.  You may leave now."

Snape disapparated.

Three hours later:

Snape apparated back to his manor and staggered inside.  He considered collapsing in the living room, but hauled himself upstairs instead, and entered Hermione's room.

She was in bed, trying to flex her right knee.  Privately Snape feared it was too far damaged to be repaired, but he would never say it to her.  Hermione climbed out of bed and began limping over, and Snape icily told her to walk properly.  _Fuck you, bloody bastard!  I was just going to help._  Hermione opened her mouth to retort.  Snape held up one twitching hand to silence her.

"If you are looking for sympathy, Miss Granger, it is between shit and syphilis in the dictionary." 

Hermione took a deep breath and struggled to walk normally to him.  His face remained impassive.  She reached him and pulled him over to the couch.

"We should both sleep, Hermione." Snape said tiredly. 

"Yes, sir." She replied.  Hermione pulled out her wand and transfigured his robes into black silk pajamas.  She turned to hobble back to her bed, but Snape grabbed her hand.  He pulled out his own wand and murmured a spell.  Hermione felt the pain in her knee recede. 

"Goodnight Miss Granger."

"Daddy?"  Hermione mumbled in her sleep.  "Daddy?  Daddy, no, don't do it, run Daddy, run!"  She awoke and struggled against the person holding her.

"Calm down, Hermione.  It's only me."  She collapsed against Snape, shaking. 

"Bloody dreams.  They're dead, they've been dead for months now.  Just can't seem to get it through my thick skull."

"I am here now, Hermione."

She sighed.  "You're all I've got left now, you know that?" 

"Hardly.  You also have Potter, all of the many Weasleys, Lupin, and all the other members of the Order, not to mention Draco."

"Yeah, I suppose.  But," she yawned, "You're what I consider family.  You're stuck with me now.  As father figures go," she snuggled into him, "You're pretty damned good.  Got this saving business down."  She fell back asleep as he stroked her hair.

"As daughter figures go, you're pretty damned good yourself," he murmured as he dozed off.

For the next two weeks, Hermione was restricted to her bedroom in Snape Manor, where she recovered and caught up in her schoolwork.  Snape slept on the couch in her room every night and occasionally slept next to her, stroking her hair when she had nightmares.  She was now corresponding regularly with her friends and beginning to mend the psychological rift her imprisonment had caused.  Still, she could not overcome the cynicism that had imbued her and made no real effort to control the snarky wit that was beginning to manifest itself. 

_I really need to learn the art of controlling my mouth again.  I used to do it, once upon a time when I was young, I can do it again, right?_

"Miss Granger?"  Snape's voice snapped her out of her reverie.

"Yes?"  she looked up.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine.  Wait, I've been meaning to mention to you: the fingers of my right hand tingle.  Is that normal?  Will it go away?"

"It is a result of the unfortunate combination of infected wounds and your hands being chained above you for extended periods.  I am not capable of treating that, however Madam Pomfrey will take care of it when you return to Hogwarts in a week and a half."

"Week and half?" she inquired.  "I was under the impression I was only staying here for three weeks."

"Albus and I agreed it may be a good idea for you to spend a week at the headquarters for the Order, reacclimating to life outside Snape manor with people other than me."

"I see."

"We also thought that perhaps you would like to see a…therapist."  Snape said the word with distaste.  Hermione considered the option.  _It might help, Mya.  You've been having some major personal issues lately.  This is the kind of stuff that comes back to haunt you later and makes you REALLY fucked up._

"Perhaps I shall," she said hesitantly.

"It is worth a try, Hermione," Snape said encouragingly.

"Yeah, I suppose it is."  Hermione smiled at him.

"We shall leave for the Order in three days, is that acceptable?"

"Yes, that's fine.  Would you like to stay and have lunch?" she asked.

"I was hoping you'd join me in the dining room.  I've cooked a veritable feast," he replied mildly.

"Feast with you in the dining room or meal in room again?  Tough decision, that one.  What time are we eating?"

"Seven o'clock.  And kindly put on real clothes, Miss Granger," he tossed back as he exited.

_Hey!  Pajamas are real clothes.  Sort of.  Hmmm…five-thirty._  Hermione smiled and went to run a bath.


	10. Chapter 9

A/N:  Hello everyone!  I'm posting this chapter for Lanna, who reviewed me!!  Am I an angst-freak?  Maybe I am, but believe it or not, this is the first angsty stuff I've ever written.  I hope it's good!!  So it's not as angsty from here on out…it's a bit more…I don't know what it is, but you'll see the relationship between Remus and Hermione starting to lay it's foundations.  Thanks for reading!

--aimes

Three days later, Hermione Granger and Severus Snape were standing outside the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix at 3am.

"Why did we have to come at this hour, again?"

"Security reasons," Snape replied.  "Yours is not to question but to accept that every once in awhile I know better."

"Now I _know_ you feel like my father!"  Hermione sniped.  Snape did not respond, and Hermione looked back at him.  He was rigid, clutching his arm.

_Oh, I know that look!  Someone's summoning him._

"I curse the day Voldemort allowed his Deatheaters to use the Dark Marks as personal pagers.  Lucius Malfoy definitely abuses the privilege."

"Malfoy _would_."

Snape ushered her through the door, closed it and waited for the wards to reset, then left quickly.

Hermione stood in the hallway for a moment, registering the feel of the place.  _Light's__ on in that room.  Kitchen, I think.  Wonder who's up at this godforsaken hour._  She set her bags down and walked toward the light.

She paused for a moment in the doorway, observing.  Remus Lupin sat staring at nothing with a cup of hot chocolate in his hands.

"That hot chocolate's gonna get cold fast, Professor."  He looked up, somewhat startled, and grinned when he saw her.

"Hermione.  It's good to see you again."  They remained where they were, grinning like idiots for several moments, the Remus rose from the table.

Hermione covered the distance in moments, half jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly.

They held each other for what felt like hours before letting go.  _Fifteen minutes.  I've really got to stop doing that._

They sat at the table, and Remus got her a cup of hot chocolate.

"How are you, Hermione?"

"I'm fine, remarkably.  My right hand tingles, but you can barely see the scars beneath my fingernails.  I'm glad they grew back.  My back didn't fare so well…I'll show you the scars one of these days.  Other than that, I'm alright.  Severus has taken good care of me.  What's happened since I left?"

"Not a whole lot.  Ron, Harry, Ginny, Fred, and George are in a state without you.  Ginny's pretty resilient, actually.  She's got a lot of potential.  Fred and George are being eerily somber most of the time.  Ron and Harry look like they've lost their best friend, which I suppose they have.  Everyone's been worried for you.

Hermione yawned.  "I'm alive.  And remarkably okay, actually.  It's just going to be a bit bizarre going back to school…going back to that world.  I feel…I don't know."

"Like they're all so innocent, even Ron and Harry, and you're just not anymore."

"Yes.  That's it exactly.  I don't know if I can adjust into that world again."

"No, you can't.  But you'll learn to blend fast, and to use your experiences to give your life perspective."

"I've got enough perspective to make an Escher painting look boring."  Remus laughed, surprising Hermione.  _He knows Escher?_

"I've got eclectic tastes," he said in reply to her unspoken question. 

They continued chatting for hours, when there was a lull in the conversation.

"Professor?"  Hermione said quietly.

"Yes, Hermione?" She looked at him intensely.

"Will I look over my shoulder forever?"

"Probably, but it might not be a bad thing," he replied gently.  "It kept me alive."

"That's what I figured."  She yawned again.

"I think you should get to sleep," Lupin murmured.  "They've given you your own room because they thought you needed space.  I know it's hard readjusting to the world outside.  Space is good but so is knowing that there's someone there to keep you safe.  I'd be happy to sleep on your couch if it made you more comfortable."

"Thanks professor," Hermione replied with a smile.

"Call me Remus."  He rose and took the mugs to the sink.  "Let's go, my lady."

They climbed up the stairs and went to the bedroom that was to be Hermione's.  _Real world, Hermione.__  Not scary, you've been here before.  Besides, you've got your personal werewolf to keep away the bad guys._

She changed into her pajamas in the bathroom and when she came out, Remus was sprawled out on the large comfy couch near her bed.  She smiled at him and crawled into bed, wincing slightly at the pulls on her scar tissue.  Hermione gasped when she felt a hand tracing one of the scars on her upper back, which was exposed by the spaghetti strap top of her pj's.  

"Sorry," Remus murmured.

"No, it's okay," Hermione replied.  She lifted her shirt.  "They did quite a number on me, as you can see."

Remus examined the scars lacing her back and trailed his fingers gently along the ridges.  "I'm so sorry Hermione," he whispered, and hugged her tightly from behind.  She stiffened then relaxed into him, putting her hands over his and closing her eyes.  Hermione let the rhythm of his heartbeat lull her…Remus felt her breathing even out and gently laid her into the bed.  He pulled the blankets over her and watched her sleep for a moment, fighting a silent internal battle.  He leaned over kissed her forehead and retired to his couch.  It was a long time before he fell asleep.

"No.  No, no, no.  You won't win, you won't.  No….stronger than you…but oh, God, it hurts…it hurts…"  Hermione whimpered in her sleep, tangling in the sheets.  Remus awoke with a start and went to her.

"Hermione…" he said gently.  "Hermione, wake up, it's a dream," unconsciously echoing the words of Snape a few weeks earlier. 

"No…"

He shook her gently and she jerked awake, screaming and struggling.  "Hermione!  Hermione, it's me, it's Remus!"  He wrapped his arms tightly around her and turned his head to avoid being hit in the face.

She slumped against him unexpectedly, sobbing.  He held her tightly, rocking her.

"Don't leave me," she whispered raggedly.

"I'm here, I won't leave you," he replied in a gentle, soothing, voice.  _Calm yourself, Mya.  Very mature.  You're dreaming about…it…because you're back in the world outside the protected walls of Snape Manor and you're scared.  Dayrin's not going to jump out and attack you here.  Remus is here, you're safe.  Aw screw that, you're scared shitless.  Swallow your pride and ask him to sleep with you tonight._

Hermione clung to him, shuddering as she calmed down.  She steadied herself to ask him to sleep with her but before she said anything, he pulled away from her and looked into her shining brown eyes.

"Would you like me to sleep with you tonight, Hermione?"  he asked kindly.

"Yes," she replied steadily.  Remus climbed into the bed and wrapped his arms around her.  Hermione snuggled into him and listened to his heartbeat once more.

_He's so warm and strong and…STOP.  You're going crazy.  It's just because you're suffering re-integration shock.  You don't think of him that way._  In defiance of her brain her heart settled into his rhythm and her hand snaked around his waist as she drifted to sleep.

_Sure you don't._

Hermione woke slowly, langorously.  _For once._ She stirred in Remus' arms, and he woke, confused.

"Hrm?"

"Almost.  Hermione.  Try it with me now," she teased.  "Hermione." 

"Mm.  What time is it?"  _Note that he has not yet tried to release me or move in any way.  Note also that I am making mountains out of molehills and am slowly succumbing to complete nutterdom.  Is that a word?  Nutterdom?  Ah well, it is now._

"My internal clock says it's 8 a.m.  It's usually only off by a few minutes in either direction."

"That's completely bizarre.  Why are we awake? We only went to sleep three hours ago."

"I dunno, I just woke up.  Why'd you wake up?"

"Not sure.  Probably because you woke up."

"So it's my fault?"

"Absolutely."  They both started laughing.  Then Remus sniffed the air.  "I know why you woke up!  Molly's cooking breakfast!"

They both shot out of bed and pulled on robes and raced down to the kitchen.

"Hermione!"  Molly Weasley ran and hugged her and it quickly turned into a group hug as Tonks joined in.

"Air!" Hermione gasped.  They released her and she grinned.  "I'm fine, I'm alive, I'm doing great, and I'm starving!"

They all sat at the table and dug into the pancakes Molly had made.

After breakfast, Tonks cleared her throat and Hermione ceased her conversation with Molly to look at her.

"Um, Hermione, I'm supposed to take you to see….um…"

"A therapist?" Hermione replied calmly.  "I know.  When do you want to leave?"

"As soon as you're ready," Tonks replied cheerfully, looking relieved. 

"Mm, lemme get dressed and I'm good to go."  _Oh, and let me grab the cyanide pills because I can survive Dayrin Lestrange and his penchant for pain and suffering but an hour with a head doctor might just drive me to suicide._

The entire room was looking at her.  Molly Weasley looked shocked.

"I said that aloud, didn't I?  I swear I'll re-hardwire the common sense part of my brain to my mouth one of these days."

Hermione fled.

There was silence for a moment.  "I think I pity the therapist," Remus commented.  No one disagreed.


	11. Chapter 10

A/N: This one's for hand3, who reviewed BOTH of my stories and made me feel incredibly good J You made my day, thank you, love.  And yet another smile for Lanna who graciously reviewed the last chapter as well and made me smile…I think we all do the 'Look it's a bear!' and run thing…I assume Hermione is no different. 

Here's the next chapter, lickety split since I got reviews!

::Blush:: so I skipped a chapter when uploading…go back and read the newly uploaded chapter 8!

Hermione sat in the black leather chair and crossed her legs demurely.  She wore a long blue skirt and white tank top and her hair was loose and flowing in chaotic curls. 

"Hello Hermione, my name is Elena."  The woman who sat across from her was built like a dancer, all lean muscle and well-defined lines.  Her skin was a dark, smooth, cocoa color and her hair was pulled into a bun.  She wore a demure blue dress that reflected brilliantly against her skin.  Elena's voice was smooth, rich, and musical.  _A perfect therapist's voice._

"Hi."

"I've been told that you just went through a very traumatic experience."

"Yes."

"Will you elaborate for me, please?"

"I was kidnapped, raped, and tortured."

"And now you're back in the real world."

"Yes."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Grateful, I suppose.  Glad to be alive."

"Angry at the bastard who did it to you?"

"Naturally."

"This will be somewhat easier if you work with me, Hermione," Elena sighed.

"Why, so I can engage in some putrid sobbing fest that 'cleanses' me of my pain and grief?  Hardly."

"No, so you can face him down and annihilate him one day and never have to think about it again."

"Now _that_ is a goal worth working for."

"And so that you won't have issues if and when you decide to take a lover again.  So that what he did to you doesn't consume you."

"So how exactly do I work with you?"

Elena smiled.  "I think you're more of a compartmentalizer, so I'm going to give you a real task."  She pulled out a leather journal.  "You're going to write how you feel in the book.  Just whatever you remember, whatever strikes you.  Feel free to go off on tangents.  Every day we're going to talk."

"Are you going to read the journal?"

"No.  If you want me to read excerpts I will, but it's mainly for you." 

"This is going to be damned near impossible isn't it?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it will."

"I…I feel like maybe I'm making a mistake."

"By being here?"

"No, no.  In any case it's not like I have a choice about being here.  But that's not it.  There's a man…he's been helping me…and I…I think I'm developing feelings for him.  But I'm afraid they're not real.  Like maybe I'm developing them only because of what happened.  I always found him attractive, but…"

"Perhaps you believe these feelings are fake, in a way?"

"Yeah."

"They're probably not.  But I wouldn't jump into a relationship right now anyways.  You're recovering from a traumatic experience.  I'd give it at least a year."

"Right."

"Is he a good man?"

"Yes, but there are other…complications.  He's a bit older.  Like more than ten years older.  And he's a father figure to some of my friends, I think.  Or maybe an older brother figure.  Not to me obviously.  I don't know, I think there's going to be some disapproval.  And he used to be my professor."

"Wow, those are some obstacles.  But you didn't really answer my question.  Is he a good man?"

"Yes.  He's a great man.  He's kind and gentle and intelligent.  His soul is beautiful."

"That's what matters, Hermione.  You can overcome the other problems."

"But are the feelings real?"

"Ask me at the end of this, hm?"

"Yeah. I guess."  Hermione took a deep breath.

"My name is Hermione Jane Granger and I'm a seventeen year old student.  I was kidnapped by a psychotic bastard named Dayrin Lestrange.  Over the course of three weeks he raped me and tortured me before I was rescued.  For three more weeks I recovered at the house of my professor Severus Snape, who has also taken on the role of my legal guardian since my parents died.  He's the closest thing to a father I have.  For the last day or so I've been staying with Remus Lupin, a former professor of mine, and some other individuals associated with the school."

"How did you feel when you realized you had been captured?"

So it began.  They spoke for hours till the sun began to set.  Hermione had not cried once, but felt immensely better.

"You've done fabulously, Hermione.  I'll see you again tomorrow.  Before we meet again, while you write, may I make a suggestion?"

"Of course."

"Listen to Concerto for Harp and Orchestra in B flat major, opus 4, number 6.  Don't do anything specific, just listen to it while you write, okay?  It's track four on this disc, do you have a cd player?"

"Yes, I do.  I'll see you tomorrow, Elena.  Thank you for everything."

They hugged and parted ways.

Hermione arrived back at the headquarters and entered tiredly.  _Therapy takes a lot out of a girl, I tell ya.  All I need is sleep._  She walked into the kitchen to grab a snack and saw Dumbledore sitting at the table with Remus, Molly and Arthur Weasley, Tonks, Mad-Eye Moody, Snape, McGonagall, Hagrid, and Bill Weasley.

"Well, the gang's all here," Hermione commented.  "Is there a reason for this festive group?"

Hagrid burst into tears and McGonagall got misty.  Hermione looked at Snape and Remus questioningly.

"I believe it's his way of saying he's glad to see you," Snape said dryly.

"I figured as much," she replied with a smile.  "I'm glad to see you too, Hagrid.  I'm glad to see all of you."

"How are you feeling, Hermione?" Albus asked with a twinkle.

"I'm doing quite well, actually.  How are all of you?" she asked politely, as she leaned on Remus' chair heavily.  He stood and ushered her into the chair, nodding at the grateful smile she flashed him.  Remus moved aside as Snape came to stand behind her, resting his hands gently on her shoulders.

_He's getting attached to me!  I knew it!  Hah!  He couldn't fight it forever…_

"We are fine.  All of us wished to see you, to ensure that you were in good health.  How was your session with Elena?"

"It went well, I think.  A muggle therapist?"

"Yes, they seem to be a bit more effective than wizard therapists.  A cultural difference, I believe."

"Ah, makes sense.  Is there another reason that you're here?"  _I know you didn't gather to see if I'm fine.  There's an ulterior motive._

"Actually, there is," Dumbledore said kindly.  "I wished to know if Lestrange revealed anything to you in the course of your incarceration that could prove useful to us."  _Aha.  Score one for cynicism._

"Not really.  They had three questions for me that they asked incessantly: where are you hiding Harry Potter, what is the grand plan to defeat Voldemort, and are there spies in their ranks.  I didn't answer any of them, considering I didn't know the answer to at least one of them and wouldn't tell him if I did.  Other than that, it was me, Dayrin, and a lot of hours in a day."

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Hermione," Dumbledore said gently. 

She shrugged.  "Life happens, doesn't it?  I'm alive.  That's what matters."

"You're a hero, child," came Minerva McGonagall's brogue.

"In what way?  I saved no one and did nothing remarkable.  I simply survived.  Draco and Professor Snape are the heroes: they risked everything to help me; to keep me sane.  I just shut up and didn't give the answers to some questions.  For once."

Snape snorted and Remus and Bill Weasley chuckled.

"How can you crack jokes at a time like this?" Molly asked tensely.

"How can I not?  Do you honestly think I survived being raped, beaten with a whip, crucio'd, burnt, and all manner of other things by thinking happy thoughts about the people I love?  Hardly.  I thought scathing, biting, cynical thoughts about my captors and the universe and came up with plentiful ideas about how I would make them suffer before I killed them one day.  I thought funny, ironic thoughts about my situation, and I laughed and the universe's sense of humor.  The know-it-all being punished for being silent.  It was quite funny at the time.  In general I just thought inappropriate thoughts and had inappropriate conversations with myself and none of it was inappropriate because I was hanging from the ceiling half-naked and barely conscious without fingernails and toenails and very little is inappropriate in that situation."

The room fell silent at her speech.  Remus and Snape looked at her understandingly, while Albus had a somewhat sad look on his face.  McGonagall's face was drawn and severe, and Molly looked stricken.  Tonks looked surprised; to her left, Bill and Arthur Weasley looked mournful.  Mad-Eye Moody was impassive and Hagrid began to cry once more.  Hermione sighed and closed her eyes, feeling the reassuring pressure of Snape's hands on her shoulders.  He kneaded them briefly as she steeled herself.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Weasley.  You didn't deserve that.  I'm just tired and irritable.  I spent the day rehashing the worst experience of my life with someone I don't really know and I'm just on edge, I suppose.  Not that it's any excuse for being so rude."

Molly stood up and walked over, enveloping her in a hug.  "Never apologize for something like this, child.  You've been through so much in so short a time, and you've remained so strong.  You're a model for us all and we respect you so very much for your endurance and courage and loyalty."

Hermione hugged her tightly and briefly then rose.  "I'm so sorry, but I really am exhausted and I'm supposed to write in this bloody journal by tomorrow.  Goodnight, everyone."  _Pajamas…ugh…so tired…cannot deal with multiple adults…_

Severus followed her from the room and touched her shoulder.  Hermione turned and smiled at him.

"Penny for your thoughts, oh sphinx-like one?"

"Please do not overexert yourself Miss Granger.  You're still far more damaged than you think."

"I'm almost healed."

"The scar tissue on your back has ridged against your spine, indicating that you will require far more extensive treatment to heal it.  Three of your ribs are still mending after having been broken into so many pieces it was easier to just regrow them.  There are still fragments of bone in your chest cavity that must be dealt with.  Your right kneecap is perpetually swollen having been bashed in three times.  The fingers of your right hand tingle from infection and blood redistribution.  The muscles in your wrists have slightly atrophied.  Shall I continue?"

"No, Severus, I do not think that will be necessary," said Dumbledore from the doorway.  "Miss Granger, I had no idea you were so injured.  I shall ask Madam Pomfrey to pay you a visit.  Please, rest as much as possible before your session tomorrow."

"Yes, sir.  Goodnight."  She hugged Snape tightly for a moment, had a silent conversation with Remus, and proceeded to her room.


	12. Chapter 11

A/N:  So here's my next chapter.  I didn't get any reviews (quite sad) but I'm not letting it stop me!  Enjoy…there's more coming, I promise.

Also, I've got some ideas for another story, again a Remus/Hermione, but not based on this story or 'Normal' (and it'll be a little less development and a little more relationship…) comments, suggestions?  Go for it?  Never write again?  Help me out here!

--Aimes

Hermione was sitting in bed writing in her journal with a piece of lilting harp and orchestral music playing.  Her eyes were closed as she lost herself in the music and Remus went to put her things on the bedside table, believing her to be asleep.  He reached for her pen but she dropped it on the bed and pulled him in for a hug without opening her eyes.  He suddenly noticed Hermione's red rimmed eyes and felt her sigh against him.  Remus pulled her completely into his arms as he sat on the bed, rocking her as he'd done the night before.

"This music…my mum loved this piece.  I used to love it too…the arrangement is amazing…"

"Used to love it?" 

"Can't you feel the pain in the music?"

He looked at her in surprise.  It seemed like an upbeat bit of music.

"It's like he's playing fast enough to escape.  It's so…proper.  And yet, the harpist, he plays faster and faster, running from the pain of existing by playing like the devil.  Can't you hear it?"

Remus suddenly sensed it.  "Yes, I hear it."

Hermione murmured something and his clothes changed into pajamas.  She slid down in bed, holding him tightly till she fell asleep.

Remus looked down at her, his face sad and gentle, and gave her a quick squeeze.  Hermione mumbled incoherently and tightened her grip, nestling her face in the crook of his neck as Remus settled himself against the pillows.  He yawned, inhaling the citrus scent of her hair, and fell asleep. 

Hermione dreamt.

**_"Where am I?" she asked a woman walking by her on a crowded street. _**

**_"You're wherever you need to be, naturally, Miss Granger," replied Minerva McGonagall, and kept walking._**

**_Hermione looked back at her and then looked ahead.  There was a house in the distance, focused and clear while everything else was fuzzy.  It looked like her parents' home.  Hermione began to walk towards it._**

**_As she approached she heard music and she strained to recognize it.  It didn't sound like something she'd heard before.  She walked faster and someone caught her wrist._**

**_"Are you sure you want to go in there, Hermione?"  Snape asked.  _**

**_"Severus?  I…I don't know.  What's going on?"_**

**_"If you are not confident, you cannot face yourself," replied Snape.  He released her and vanished into the crowd._**

**_"Severus?  Severus, wait!  Where are you going?!  Come back!"_**

In the waking world, Remus drifted into awareness as Hermione moaned. 

"Severus?  Severus, wait!  Where are you going?!  Come back!"

Remus felt a pang of jealousy then realized that she was probably dreaming that Severus left her during her torture.  He stroked her back reassuringly.

"I'm here, Hermione.  No one has abandoned you."

**_"I'm here, Hermione.  No one has abandoned you," came the gentle voice behind her.  Hermione turned quickly.  _**

**_"Remus?_****_  Will you walk with me to the house or are you going to leave?"_**

**_"There are some things you must face alone, Hermione."_**

**_"I already faced them alone.  Now I want someone to face them with me," she retorted._**

**_"This is your dream, Hermione.  Whether or not I come with you is entirely up to you."_**

**_"You're coming with me," she said firmly, grabbing his hand.  They began to walk towards the house and Hermione saw faces in the crowd.  Harry and Ron stood in Quidditch robes, holding brooms, and waving.  Ginny Weasley looked up from tending to an injured child and smiled.  Draco was walking with Severus, along the sidewalk and on the other side of the crowd.  They paced her and Remus, separated by a sea of people, but walking with her nevertheless._**

**_Albus_****_ Dumbledore looked up from eating gummy bears while Minerva McGonagall patted him on the back.  Tonks was riding a thestral that Hagrid was leading on a harness.  Both of them turned to smile at Hermione and Remus._**

**_Hermione saw childhood friends and familiar faces as she approached the house, but the crowd thinned and disappeared as she stepped onto the sidewalk and stared at the door of her life's home._**

**_She squeezed Remus' hand tighter._**

**_"I'm scared, Remus.  Will you stay with me?"_**

****

"I'm scared, Remus.  Will you stay with me?"

"Of course I will, Hermione," he murmured gently.

"Good…"

**_"Good.  Let's go."  They entered the house as Boieldieu burst into symphonic cacophony around them._**

**_"Francois-Adrien Boieldieu," Hermione murmured.  Remus remained silent as they walked to the living room._**

**_Hermione's parents sat, drinking tea and talking.  They turned to look at the visitors._**

**_"My-my!_****_  You're home!"_**

**_"Mum!  Dad!"_**

**_"You have guests," her father said cheerfully._**

**_"Oh, yes, this is Remus Lupin.  He's—"_**

**_"No, not him._****_  Other guests, silly," her mum chided.  _**

**_"Mum, you sound odd," Hermione said softly._**

**_"Well of course I do, My-My.  I'm dead, and you didn't even TRY to save me.  Either of us!  AND we have to entertain your guests."_**

**_"Mum, I wanted to help you, you know I did!  It was so hard to leave you behind, but I would have died too!"_**

**_"Excuses, Hermione.  You know we don't tolerate that in this house," her father said sternly.  "Oh, here are your guests!"_**

**_Dayrin_****_ and Bellatrix walked out of the kitchen carrying teacups and chatting._**

**_"Hello, Princess…"_**

**_She turned to Remus, trying to pull him from the room and run…and the scene changed._**

**_Hermione hung from the wall as Dayrin Lestrange ran his hand up her side.  _**

**_"That's it, Princess.  Be afraid, it makes it so much better for me…Have you done this before?"_**

**_"Been raped by you?  I must say the scene DOES feel somewhat familiar."_**

**_"Are you a virgin, Princess?  Taking that from you would be such fun.  Only one real way to find out, though, I suppose.  You're so reticent sometimes."  He shoved a finger inside her and she gave a guttural groan._**

**_"No, not a virgin._****_  But still tight enough to be one.  You must have only had sex once or twice, right?  Well, I'll take what I can get."_**

****

Hermione groaned and pulled away from Remus, struggling in his arms.  He tightened his grip on her instinctively, and for a moment he was there with her.  He watched Dayrin Lestrange force Hermione's legs apart and slam into her.  She hit the concrete wall behind her rhythmically and Remus saw blood streaming down her back from other wounds reopened by the new round of violence.  He watched helplessly as Dayrin raped her and the blood from her ripped vagina streamed down his cock. 

Hermione was looking like a doll, limp and detached, wincing in pain occasionally, but generally vacant.  Remus wanted to help her, to do something, but found he could only watch.

Hermione looked in his direction and something registered in her face.  She looked strengthened for a moment, then began replying to Dayrin's sick murmurings with her sharp wit.  Every once in awhile she looked back at Remus.  She fixed her gaze on him when Dayrin picked up the pipe.

Remus woke up, shivering and nauseous.  He turned to look at Hermione who was watching him.

"Are you alright?"  she asked gently.

"Yeah, um…I…" he stumbled.

She moved closer and stroked his head and cheek gently.  Her palm rested on his face.

"Relax.  If I can have nightmares so can you.  What were you dreaming?"  He didn't answer, averting his eyes.

"I dreamt of my parents…and the night Dayrin raped me.  I dream about that a lot.  I used to wake up with Snape patting my back and almost hit him.  He's lucky he's got quick reflexes.  I dreamt that someone was there though, someone other than Dayrin.  I'm not sure who it was but he, I think it was a he, was so reassuring.  I felt stronger than I was before.  Like I could take on Dayrin and win." Her thumb stroked his cheek.  "What did you dream of?"

He inhaled sharply.  "It was nothing, Hermione.  Go back to sleep, sweetheart.  We'll talk in the morning."

She nodded sleepily.  "If you wish," she replied.  She fell back asleep with her hand on his face.

Remus waited till she was deep asleep, then got up and went downstairs to get a drink.


	13. Chapter 12

A/N:  I send out a cry for help.  I have a million ideas and no direction L

This story's finished (sketched out, I'm just filling it in at my leisure) but it stops short of what everyone apparently wants.  Will some kind soul who's read both my bits review/email/message me if they want to help a poor addled pseudo-author out?  I just need someone to bounce ideas around with.  (Ouf, ended with a preposition, didn't I?  My Professor would cry if he saw that.)

--aimes

PS—hand3, thank you again for your lovely words of encouragement, you're fabulous.

This chapter is for magicmare87:  I'm very excited that you reviewed and even more excited that this is one of your favorite fics!  I do hope you read 'If Life Were Normal What Would We Do for Fun' as well…though there will be a gap between the events of that story and the events of this one…(see above note).  Also, I've read two of your fics (whatever was posted of them at the time)! There is a Light in the Darkness and The Unicorn's Death.  I loved them both!!! But I wasn't a member at the time and couldn't review…so here are your reviews now ;)

On with it, then.

Three hours later he was thoroughly smashed and tears were streaming down his face.  "Where's Severus when you need him?" He mumbled.  Remus now knew that he would not have been able to do for her what Severus did.  He deeply suspected that somehow their magic had touched and he had been thrown into her dream and experiencing the memory was overwhelming for him.  He had felt so angry and helpless, so sad at what had been taken from her.  Even now the emotions washed over him and he took another shot of scotch.

Hermione watched him from the doorway.  _It must've been some dream he had.  I think he's had enough now. _ She walked in and put her hand on his back.  Remus didn't move.  She turned his face towards her and realized she had waited too long to come to him.  He was wallowing.  _Oi__.__  Should've stopped that last shot from happening._  She stroked his back comfortingly.

"It's okay, Remus.  I'm here for you just like you've been here for me."  He wrapped his arms around her face and sobbed into her.  She stroked his hair and spoke comfortingly. 

Eventually he calmed enough for her to help him up.  They stumbled upstairs, where she stroked his hair and murmured to him for another half hour till he fell asleep.  _He WILL tell me what he dreamt!  Can't be any worse than what I dream…_

The next morning, Remus was gone when Hermione woke.  _Coward.__  I'll kick his arse._  She crawled out of bed and stretched.  Remus walked out of the shower with a towel on and stopped dead in his tracks.

"Sorry, I thought you'd still be sleeping," he said sheepishly as he retreated.  _Stop staring, Mya.  Damn but those arms are nice.  _She suddenly had a flashback of her captivity, of watching the muscles in Dayrin's arms flex as he twisted a knife in her.  _Stop it!  The room is not spinning, you're being an idiot!  _Hermione took deep calming breaths. 

"Hermione?  I know it's shocking, but I didn't think I was THAT bad looking," Remus teased, although his tone was serious.

"No, sorry, I just had a flashback.  You know, a memory you don't realize you have?  It…shocked me."

"Oh.  Um, well, let me just get dressed and you can have the bathroom.  Take a few minutes to collect yourself if you need," he replied gently, grabbing his trousers and disappearing into the bathroom.  Inside, he berated himself. 

"What are you doing, idiot?  She's a young girl who's just been through a traumatic experience.  Distance yourself, genius!"  He groaned irritably, cursing himself for not using another bathroom, took a deep mental breath, and walked out.

"I'll leave you to get dressed, Hermione.  I'll be downstairs."  He exited quietly.  Hermione went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face.

_Get dressed.  Yes.  And what shall I wear today?_  Hermione went over to the cd player she had brought and changed cd's.  Sade's low, sultry voice came on, and Hermione skipped the first song.

**……If I tell you, If I tell you now…**  Hermione began to sing along as she rifled through the closet.  **…You give me the sweetest taboo…That's why I'm in love with you...**  She pulled out a black tank top and another long skirt, this time a bright emerald green.  She considered jeans for a moment, then shook her head.  _Ugh, tight pants still hurt.  Skirt is a wise decision._  Hermione went to the bathroom and pulled her hair into a loose bun, letting tendrils hang around her face.  She applied green eyeshadow and dark brown eyeliner and a light lip gloss.  _What shoes?  Black strappy sandals, I think.  And long black coat to top it off.  Hmmm…maybe change the coat color to match the skirt and take a black handbag?  Yeah, that'll work.  Oh, change toenail polish color too._  She grinned as she belted out the last few lines of the third track.

"Coast to coast, LA to Chicago, western male…Across the north and south to Key Largo, love for sale…Smooth operator…"  Hermione switched off the cd and went downstairs for breakfast.

"Enjoy your medley?" Remus teased.

"Immensely.  What do you think, am I ready for my own album?"

"You're actually very good, Hermione," Molly commented.

"Yeah, I wish I could sing that well," Tonks commented.

"I wish I could change my haircolor at will, so we're even," Hermione retorted.  "Besides, you're not _that_ off key."

Remus snorted.  "You obviously haven't spent much time with her."  Tonks threw a biscuit at him.  Hermione laughed.

"Are you ready, Tonks?" 

"Nope, Remus is escorting you today.  I've got training."  Tonks grinned.

"Try not to break anything," Hermione teased.  "We should go, Remus.  It'd be rude to be late for my appointment."

"Sure, have you got everything?"

"Um, her cd, my cd, wallet, cell phone, journal, pen…yeah, I'm ready."

"Well, then, my lady, shall we?"  He offered her his arm and they left.

"Hermione, how are you today?"

"I'm fine.  I listened to the cd you gave me.  I liked it, my mum used to listen to some of the music on there.  Who's on the harp?"

"Nicanor Zableta.  He's quite amazing."

"Yes, he is.  He plays like lightning."

"Did it help to write in the journal?" Elena smiled kindly.

Hermione crossed her legs and returned the smile.  "Yeah, it did.  A lot.  I had an odd dream last night, though."  She explained it to Elena.

"Interesting," Elena said, her eyebrows furrowing.  "And then you woke up?" 

"Yes.  I think I woke up because Remus was thrashing."

"Remus?"

Hermione blushed.  "Yes, Remus Lupin.  The man I told you about.  He ends up in my bed some nights because I have nightmares."

"It's okay to need to be held, Hermione."

"Yeah, it's not okay to be tangling up my need for comfort with romantic love," she said irritably.

"Perhaps, perhaps not.  What did you write about?"  Elena asked.

"My mum.  She was the most beautiful woman in the world," Hermione replied.

It began again.  They talked for the rest of the day.  Still Hermione did not cry, but felt a great weight lifted off her.

"Here's a new cd for you Hermione.  It's Verdi's grand choruses."

"Here's a cd for you.  It's Garbage, Version 2.0.  It's the last thing I listened to the night my parents died."

"I have one more suggestion for you: hit something.  Hit a bag, whatever.  Just hit something.  You need it."

Hermione grinned and hugged Elena, then returned to the headquarters.

She walked through the door, tossed her bag in the sitting room, and went to an empty bedroom.  A few gestures of the wand and her clothes were changed into sweatpants, trainers, and a tank top.  The room was quickly transfigured into a gym, with a suspended bag hanging in the middle.

_Stretch but take it easy.  Scar tissue everywhere can make for not so good times._

Hermione stretched and began hitting the bag loosely, the way her father had taught her, using only the first two knuckles and stabilizing her wrist in line with her arm.  Within minutes she was hitting the bag hard in a steady rhythm and was beginning to work in kicks.  She grunted as the scar tissue tugged and loosened and the adrenaline began rushing through her.  The aches and pains disappeared and the pain in her knee subsided.

**…Moon hangs around, a blade over my head, and reminds me what to do before I'm dead.  Night consumes light and all I dread reminds me what to do before I'm dead.  To see you, to touch you…**

Hermione looked up, startled and lost her balance.  Snape moved quickly and caught her before she fell.  He pulled her up silently, steadied the bag, and waited.  Hermione punched it tentatively and quickly moved into the rhythm of the music, hitting hard and fast.  After a few minutes, Snape waved his wand, making the bag disappear and tossed his clothes in a corner.  He began to counter Hermione's moves effectively.  They went at it unrestrained and primal. 

"What is going on here?!" screamed Molly shrilly.

Hermione froze and Snape's kick, already in motion threw her across the room.  She grunted as she hit the wall.

"Bugger," she groaned.  "Nice shot, Severus."

"Are you alright, Miss Granger?" he asked with concern.  Molly shoved him aside and bustled over.  Hermione shot Snape a look of horror.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Weasley.  Professor Snape was helping me relieve some tension.  It's fine."

"You should not be engaging in such activities in your condition!"  Hermione groaned mentally.

"Molly, do you truly believe I would be irresponsible enough to let anything happen to her?  After I cared for her for six weeks?  Please refrain from such ridiculousness."  Snape put on his most biting tone as he pulled Hermione up.

Remus appeared in the doorway.  "Molly, Bill's on the floo network for you."  Molly gave Snape and Hermione one last glare and bustled out.

"How convenient.  Bill's really on the network?"  Hermione asked as she wiped blood off her arm.

"He is now that I've called him," Remus replied easily.  He tossed them towels.  "I suggest you clean up before facing down Molly again."  Snape shuddered and they set to cleaning themselves off.

"Do you need any painkillers, Hermione?"

"No, actually, my knee feels better than it has in ages."

"Probably because the rest of you hurts so much," commented Remus.

"Yeah," Hermione said, half laughing and half groaning.  They left the room and walked toward the kitchens, hearing shrill voices echoing down the hall.

_Ugh.  Two to one it's Pomfrey._

A/N:  Right, then.  Songs are:  Sade, Sweetest Taboo and Smooth Operator, both can be found on her Best of Sade album; the other song is Before I'm Dead by Kidneythieves off their Zerospace album.  I had the regular version in my head, there's also an acoustic version; it's on the TricksterReprocessed album.


	14. Chapter 13

A/N:  Once again, many thanks to magicmare87…go read her stuff if you like Snape/Hermione, it's lovely.  So…this fic is rapidly drawing to its projected close…if I do continue it, it'll be a bit slower because I'm not clear on where I'd go with it.  The other option is another story that fills the gap between this and my other story.  I'm also considering a sequel to 'If Life Were Normal What Would We Do for Fun?' 

Yes? No?  Never put pen to paper again except to sign the welfare checks?

Feedback, s'il vous plait!

--Aimes

Poppy Pomfrey and Molly Weasley turned to glare at the trio. 

"Severus Snape!  I cannot believe you were so irresponsible!"  Snape held up a hand, silencing Pomfrey.

"She needed this, Poppy.  I leave you to your work," he said firmly and left.  Remus retreated as well, shooting Hermione a sheepish grin in response to her glare.  She turned back to Molly and Pomfrey and sighed as they advanced.

Two hours later Hermione limped up to her room and collapsed on her bed.  _Ooof, cured of my disease, I died of my physician._  She pulled out her journal and began to write, popping in the Verdi disc, and humming along to the familiar choral pieces.  Three hours later, she was asleep, pen and journal on her bedside desk and Verdi cd stuck on infinite replay.

**_Hermione took the stage in her dream and looked out upon the melee of faces.  Remus and Severus were smiling up at her from the front row, along with Ron, Harry, Ginny, and Tonks.  She looked further and saw Molly and Arthur and the rest of the Weasleys, all of the school faculty, and all of her friends._**

**_In the last row were her captors, Dayrin and Bellatrix, but for some reason it did not bother her.  She realized now that they would be with her forever, as a reminder of who she was and what she could endure._**

**_Hermione walked to the microphone and began to sing._**

****

**_"Days like this I don't know what to do with myself_**

**_All day—and all night_**

**_I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath_**

**_I say to myself_**

**_I need fuel—to take flight_**

****

**_And there's too much going on_**

**_But it's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion_**

**_Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion_**

****

**_Is that why they call me sullen girl—sullen girl_**

**_They don't know I used to sail the deep and tranquil seas_**

**_But he washed me ashore and he took my pearl_**

**_And left an empty shell of me_**

****

**_And there's too much going on_**

**_But it's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion_**

**_Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion_**

**_Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion_**

**_It's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion"_**

****

**_She fell silent and looked out on the sea of faces.  Dayrin and Bellatrix were fading and her friends in the front rows grew more vivid.  Hermione smiled and left the stage._**

And woke up smiling.  It was the first night she hadn't dreamt about Dayrin torturing her.  She got up, stretched, and walked over to the window.  The moon was a gentle crescent, glowing kindly in the sky. 

Remus woke and looked over at the empty bed.  He sat up and looked around, when he saw Hermione at the window he smiled, laid back, and went back to sleep.

_I'm going to be just fine._

For the rest of the week, Hermione attended sessions with Elena, wrote in her journal, and sparred with Snape.  Remus stayed on her couch, though he no longer had to sleep in bed with her. 

A few days later:

Hermione sat in the kitchen and watched the others warily.  Snape looked angry, as did Remus, oddly, and Molly and Arthur looked sad.  Tonks looked nervous. 

Dumbledore cleared his throat.

"Hermione, you are scheduled to return to Hogwarts on the day after tomorrow.  Are you up to it?"

"Yes, I am."

"Good.  I feel I must ask you…there are things you may have learned during your torture that could be useful to us."

"I told you what I know, which is basically nothing."

"Yes, however the mind often picks up more than it is capable of recalling."

"Okay…so?"

"I would like to ask you to put your memories in a pensieve.  They will be analysed for any useful data.  I shall make sure that only one or two people are privy to them," he added hastily.

Hermione's face went blank and expressionless.  _You bastard._

"You're asking me to relive my time there for memories that will most likely be useless?"

"For the good of the Order, Hermione," he supplied gently.

"Of course," she said icily.  "The Order."

"Hermione, I shall personally—" Dumbledore started, but she waved him silent.

"I will put my memories in a pensieve on one condition."

"Yes?" asked Dumbledore.

"Only Remus and Professor Snape will be privy to the pensieve.  Together they can analyse the memories and decide if they're useful.  If any memory _is_ useful, they are free to present it to the Order.  Otherwise the memories will be destroyed."

The room fell silent.

"If you insist, Hermione," Dumbledore said heavily.

"I do," she said calmly.

"Done," he replied.  "I shall expect you back at school on Monday.  And Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"I'm truly grateful you are recovering."

"Thank you, sir."  Dumbledore left and the group dispersed.  Hermione sat staring at a point on the wall.  _Maybe reliving the real memories and not the distorted dreams I have of them will be good.  I can look at what happened to me more objectively.  Oh lord I can't believe I said something that stupid.  Why would I want to look at my own torture objectively?  I'm insane.  Well, whatever I am, I might as well get this done._

She stood up and turned to Remus and Severus, who stood in the doorway.

"Let's get this done.  Remus will you give me a moment with Professor Snape?"

"Sure," he replied easily.  "I'll get the pensieve."  He took his leave gracefully.

They watched each other for a moment.

"I'm going to have Remus help me retrieve the memories.  You already faced them once, I won't put you through it again."

"I was hardly the one going through it, Miss Granger," he replied softly.

"Yes you were.  You felt everything."  She walked towards him and put her hands on his face.  "You almost cried the night he raped me.  I won't make you go through that again.  You've done enough."  She pulled him down and kissed him on the forehead.

"Remus?" she called.  He reappeared in the doorway.

"Yes?"

"Will you help me retrieve the memories?"  She asked tentatively.

"Of course," came the surprised answer.

"We shall both help you," Snape said firmly, and led her to the table.

"What do I do?"

"Focus on remembering," Remus said soothingly.  They walked her through the steps of pulling out a memory and depositing it into the penseive.

Hermione went to work.

A/N:  The song in her dream is Fiona Apple's Sullen Girl, from the Tidal album.


	15. Chapter 14

A/N: hand3, you're so good to me!  Your reviews and encouragement make me so happy and I'm going to write a story linking this and Normal and I think you'll like it.  I may also write a sequel to Normal…

Magicmare—you're a Godsend!  Thank you so much for the support and feedback.  Priceless, I tell you.

Here's the second to last chapter (sad I know).  I've jumped into the tie-in fic I'm writing, but it'll take about two weeks for me to get it up and going (finals and all).

Enjoy!

--Aimes

Two and a half hours later, Hermione slumped at the kitchen table.  _It doesn't get better with the retelling, if you know what I mean.  I swear I think I feel the scars on my back burning.  Amongst other things. _ She absently rubbed at her fingers.

Remus sat to her right, looking drawn and exhausted.  His eyes were haunted by what he'd seen.

Snape sat to the left, expressionless but paler than usual. 

"I think we're finished," he said in a low voice.

"That's for damned sure," Hermione replied tiredly.

"Gods…" Remus mumbled in a strangled voice.

"God had nothing to do with it," said Snape.  "Trust me, I was there."

Hermione began to tremble.  _Come ON, Mya.  How do you hold your own and spit at the guy who's torturing you and turn into a mess when it's over?  A bit late, don't you think?_  In response, her body trembled harder.  For the first time since her return, Hermione began to cry with abandon.  She let herself collapse onto the table as her body racked with sobs.

Remus and Snape reacted instantly, both moving over to her.  Snape began to stroke her hair, while Remus held her hands.  Remus looked up at Snape and nodded.  Snape lifted Hermione into his arms and she clung to him, but did not let go of Remus' hand.  They took her upstairs and set her down in bed and still she clung to them.

Snape looked at Remus, somewhat startled, and Remus shrugged.  He transfigured all of their clothes into pajamas and climbed into the large bed, moving to the far side while Snape lay down on the other side of Hermione.

She lay curled on her right side, facing Snape.  She buried her face in his chest and clutched at his hands.  Remus spooned against her from behind, murmuring gentle words in French to calm her.  Hermione released Snape's hand long enough to pull Remus' arm around her waist, then sought out Snape once again. 

Her body was racked by dry, shuddering sobs for a few more minutes before her exhausted body succumbed to a dreamless sleep. 

Remus looked at Snape over the top of Hermione's sleeping head.

"She should never have had to do that," he said softly.

"No," said Snape in just as soft a tone.  "And she was right in any case.  There was nothing particularly useful."

The men shared a haunted look for a moment, then broke eye contact and settled into sleep.  Remus moved his hand from around Hermione's waist to touch Snape's forearm for a moment and squeeze it gently, then returned to his original position and fell asleep.  Snape stiffened for a moment then relaxed, sliding into sleep as well.

Hermione woke in the morning feeling like her face was swollen.  _Ugh, this is why you don't cry, darling.  You must look like a grizzly bear stung by bees.  Funny, kinda feel like it too._

She opened her eyes and stared at Snape's black pajama clad chest rising and falling rhythmically.  _Why Snape and not Remus?  Ooh, that was petulant, Mya._  She shifted and felt the presence behind her.  _Oh._

Snape and Remus snapped into wakefulness simultaneously.  Snape tightened his grip on her hands and Remus tightened his grip on her waist.  She grinned suddenly.

"Wow, I get to wake up between two handsome men.  How many women fantasize about this?" she teased.

"How are you feeling, Hermione?" asked Remus in a gravelly, sleepy voice.

"Like roadkill that's been attacked by bees."

"Funny, that's how you look," responded Snape.  Hermione punched him lightly in the chest.

"Bugger off," she said lightly, stretching, catlike, then snuggling back down.  "Mmmph…still tired…" she murmured.

"Go back to bed, sweetheart," Remus murmured.  "We'll watch over you."

"Yes…" Hermione drifted back to sleep with one hand atop Remus' and her body snuggled tightly against Severus.

"Are we really going to stay here till she wakes up?" asked Severus. 

"No, we're going to wait till she's completely asleep, then get up and hope one of us happens to be in the room when she wakes."

"Ah.  Of course."

"Actually, I have to be out of here in an hour, so it'll have to be you," Remus said, disentangling himself from the sleeping Hermione.

"I believe I can handle it," Snape said dryly.

Remus went to the bathroom and got dressed.  On his way out, he looked back at Snape, who had taken up a position on the couch, reading.  "She sounds a lot like what Rain would have been like," he commented and pointedly ignored Snape's glare as he left.

Hermione woke…normally.  _Wow.  I'm just waking up normally, no nightmares, nothing.  Amazing.  And good, since I return to Hogwarts tomorrow. _ She eyed the pensieve on the nightstand.

"I hate them too."  Hermione looked up, startled to see Snape watching her, and smiled.

"Thank you for watching over me," she said softly.

"You are too strong for your own good sometimes, Miss Granger.  It was a relief to see you give in to the emotion."

"What are you talking about?  You had to sleep with me almost the entire time I was at Snape manor."

"And yet, come morning, you were calm and collected.  You never faced your fears but at night."

"I suppose that was the point of seeing Elena."

"How did that go?"

"Well, I think.  I felt…I feel good.  I feel relieved and unburdened.  Most of all I feel like I could face down Dayrin or take a lover and not be…well I'll always be haunted, but not incapacitated by it."

He nodded.  "That is reassuring."  He waited a beat.  "Come tomorrow, we return to our roles as Professor and student.  I shall show you no particular favor, on the contrary, I shall possibly be crueler than ever.  I trust you understand the reasons behind my behavior, however," he hesitated, "If you should ever…need me.  Please come to me.  I am here for you, Hermione, as I have been throughout."

She grinned and climbed out of bed, approaching him with purpose.  "Thank you, Severus.  For everything.  I've said it before: I would not have survived without you.  You were my personal angel, my only proof that God existed.  You still are.  I have no family left, but I would be proud to call you mine."  She took his face in her hands and kissed him on both cheeks, the forehead, and gently on his lips.  Then she released him and turned to go.  He caught her wrist and pulled her down to him, crushing her in a hug.

"I would be honored to call you my family, Hermione," he said softly.  She smiled up at him. 

"I'm glad we're decided then, Severus.  Be warned that this means you will receive a Christmas gift from me no matter how cruel you are to me.  But it may not be nice!"

He laughed and pushed her off him.  "Go take a shower."  She stuck her tongue out at him and raced into the bathroom when he raised his fist menacingly. 

Hermione took a quick shower and pulled on the jeans and blouse she'd brought into the bathroom.  She walked out of the bathroom and glanced at Snape who was still on the couch, reading.  _Gotta__ pack all your stuff, Mya.__  Get to working._  She pulled out her duffel bag and began to pack things.


	16. Chapter 15

A/N: This last one's for GISingerJayne! Thanks for returning to me, Jaynie, I missed your reviews. I was indescribably excited to see your message! Good luck on finals and SAT's…I hated those. Was talking with a professor yesterday about how I probably couldn't get into college if I applied now. Do you know where you want to go?  
To all: I hope you enjoyed my bit, there's more coming. I've started work on the untitled story that will tie in my two existing stories…give me till the end of the weekend at best or the end of next week at worst. Finals, projects, presentations, oh, my!

New A/N: In a bizarre and random occurence, the last chapter of this story was never uploaded! Thank-you to Tonya, who randomly reviewed this story, prompting me to go back and re-read it. Um, yeah, so...sorry. It's been over a year now. Whoops. Other than this added note, I left the story as-was, author's notes and all.

* * *

Hermione collapsed on her bed with most of her things packed. She sighed tiredly as she looked at the pile of books and cd's on her bed.

"Sir, do you have a small backpack or something I could use? They took my satchel and I never got it back." He reached under the couch without looking at her, pulled something out, and tossed it to her.

"My bag! How did you get it?"

"Draco swiped it last time he was at the Lestrange's. You may want to modify the color or style," he suggested.

_Hmmm. I want…a khaki bag with metal buckles…and a shoulder strap. And patches. _She waved her wand and transfigured the bag quickly, then placed her books, journal and cd's in. On the last day of therapy, Elena had given her a cd of harp pieces arranged and played by Nicanor Zableta and a book. _The Four Quartets. Not much of a T.S. Eliot fan, but I'll see what it does for me._

The women had parted with hugs and Elena made Hermione promise to come back once a month to check in. Before they'd parted, she'd instilled some advice: "Live your life, Hermione Granger. For better or worse, do what you feel is right."

Hermione looked up at Snape and waited for him to close his book.

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"Already back to that, are we?"

"Practice for the morning."

"Naturally. I'm starved. How would you like an authentic Muggle dinner, cooked by the inimitable Hermione Granger?"

"What exactly would this dinner include?"

"I was thinking of steak, potatoes, corn, salad, and strawberry shortcake."

"Far be it from me to deny the inimitable Hermione Granger a chance to serve me."

She grinned and stuck two fingers up at him.

"Twenty points when we return for profanity to a teacher." He grinned back and offered her his arm.

Two hours later, they had finished shopping and Hermione was turning over the steaks. "Think Remus will be back for dinner?" she asked casually.

"I really could not say," Snape replied, leaning against the counter with a glass of wine. Hermione took a sip of her own wine and shrugged, shoving the steaks back in the oven. "Well there's enough for him if he does, and if he doesn't…leftovers for one and all."

Twenty minutes later, they'd set the table and were sitting down when Remus entered.

"Ah, just made it," Hermione said with a smile.

"Smells delicious," Remus complimented her. He washed his hands at the sink while Hermione poured him a glass of wine.

When they were all seated, Hermione raised her glass. "To the end of this bloody nightmare." They toasted and drank.

"Ten more points for language, Hermione," Snape teased. She stuck her tongue out at him again.

"If you persist, I will cast a most unpleasant hex on your tongue," Snape warned.

"Oooh, I'm scared," Hermione taunted.

"You should be; I've had that hex. It's pretty unfortunate," Remus responded.

Hermione laughed, warmed by the wine and the company. "I think I can handle a hex. Besides, my hexes aren't too shabby either."

"She's got a mean petrificus totalus," Remus noted.

"Who's side are you on, Lupin?" Snape growled. "Cease your instigation!"

It was Lupin's turn to laugh. "Sorry, Severus," he apologized, not looking sorry in the slightest. He turned to Hermione. "Are you ready to go back to Hogwarts?"

She smiled. "Yeah, it'll be good to see everyone again. I just hope I'm not nutters when I get there."

"You give yourself too little credit," Snape replied, swallowing a mouthful of steak.

"I hope that's the case," she answered with a grin and downed the rest of her wine.

Dinner passed pleasantly and Hermione decided to retire early in preparation for her return to Hogwarts come morning.

_No, no, you're not nervous, are you Mya? Of course not!_

She looked up from her journal as Remus entered. "So," he asked gently, "How do you really feel about going back to Hogwarts?"

Hermione smiled. "I'm not sure. I don't want people to treat me differently, you know? Like I'm some sort of broken toy. I'm the same person I always was."

"Give them time to get used to it and they'll get over it. Draco will ease the transition for you," he encouraged.

"Yeah, I'm sure he will, at that." She smiled and hugged him tightly.

"Get some sleep," he admonished gently.

Hermione pulled away, grinning and snuggled down. "Goodnight, Remus."

"Goodnight, Hermione."

"Love you," she mumbled and was asleep.

Remus stared at her. "I love you too," he whispered.

Hermione awoke with a smile to her empty bedroom. _I think I'm gonna be just fine. Now, I'm going to do as Elena suggested: live my life. I'm going to give up on Remus for now. It's probably false emotion in any case and I'm not in any condition to get involved. And if I repeat that enough, I can get the rest of me to see reason. _Hermione grabbed her stuff and ran downstairs.

She ate a hasty breakfast amidst Molly Weasley's clucking. She finished and stood, gazing at the assembled group. Tonks grinned at her, Remus was smiling sadly, Molly looked fretful and Snape was impassive.

"Thank you all for taking such good care of me," Hermione said quietly. She hugged each of them in turn, trying not to linger too much on Remus. Squaring her shoulders, she turned to Snape, picked up her bags, and followed him out the door.

_Back to the grind. Thank the gods._

"I never thought I'd be so grateful to go back to chiding Harry and Ron to be useful."

"Therapy apparently has not been as successful as we'd hoped."

She grinned and winked as she disapparated.

They both apparated at the edge of the grounds and began walking silently. Hermione shouldered her bag, which contained her shrunken luggage, adjusting it so that it wouldn't pull at the still somewhat sore muscles on her shoulder. The scars would have to be treated by Madam Pomfrey to avoid extensive scarring.

Snape glanced at her but said nothing.

_So this is how it's gonna be. Back to the status quo._

They hit the entrance to Hogwarts and Hermione took a deep breath before entering. It was midmorning so all the students were in class.

"You may go to your room, Miss Granger. I shall expect you at dinner tonight, you may rest or pull your things together until then. You schedule for the new term is on your desk; according to the other professors you are ahead in your classes. I expect you in potions tomorrow on time and ready to work." Snape turned and stalked off.

_Right. Of course._

Hermione Jane Granger took another deep breath and looked around. She was back in her normal life, for better or worse, and it would go on. Her friends were still here, she was alive, and the future was poised to come crashing down like a wave on the shore.

Hermione straightened her shoulders and walked to her room, ready to face the future: confident, proud, alive and damned proud of it.

* * *

A/N: Alrighty, my dearies, that's it. Now I know some of you thought I'd go all the way through her seventh year (since there are only a few months left) and the 'Final Battle' or whatever you wish to term it, but! In order to do that, I'd have to introduce Callah and her backstory…now, I'd be happy to do so if anyone would like me to…but I require at least one request for it. I've also got some ideas on how to further develop the Remus/Hermione relationship for a story like that (since in the sequel to this one, they pretty much fall into bed with no lengthy explanation).

Anyways, I hope everyone enjoyed!


End file.
